Wetbacks DFL Week 3 Lineup

NEW SASABE, MEXICO - This Sunday, the Wetbacks welcome the Lynchburg JDs in yet another chapter of the Liquor Bowl. In past years, alcohol has been replaced at Cruzar la Frontera Stadium with soft drinks and water for this game, however things have changed due to fan complaints. "I could nefer eenjoy American futbol without many cervezas and tequilas," wrote Diego Jose Francisco de Paula Juan Nepomuceno Maria de los Remedios Cipriano de la Santisima Trinidad Martyr Patricio Clito Ruiz, a longtime Wetbacks fan. Thousands of such sentiments have been received by the Wetbacks organization via NSMS (New Sasabe Mail Service), email, and numerous bomb threats.

Alcohol will be made available 3 hours before and during the game inside the stadium, as well as after the game "until the kegs are dry." The visitor's locker room, however, will be left drier than a corn chip in a sandstorm. When questioned bout this, Wetbacks Information Minister Ron Jeremy explained to reporters that the Wetbacks organization would not pay for, nor supply, a team that has so many missing teeth with additional alcohol, seeing that they will most likely bring vats of sour mash whiskey along with them.

In other news, New Sasabe authorities have arrested Martin Gonzales de Barrabas Manera Demasiados Apellidos Cortez Jose Salazar y Chavez, a local roach-coach owner, for writing disparaging remarks about the Wetbacks. Chavez, who goes by the chick-magnet 'Net-handle "Magnolia Fan", recently posted written depictions of a graphic sexual nature pertaining to the Wetbacks. Former Jamaican drug-runner and current New Sasabe District Court Judge Bongo Scratch has set bail at 1,000,000 pesos ($94,103 USD). Chavez is currently being held in El Cárcel Prison with burrito and carne asada privileges suspended until sentencing.


And now the DFL Week 3 lineup for your New Sasabe Wetbacks:

QB - J.T. O’Sullivan
RB1 - Marshawn Lynch
RB2 - Kevin Smith
WR1 - Jerricho Cotchery
WR2 - Chris Chambers
WR3 - Amani Toomer
TE - Jason Witten
K - Jason "El Golpeador" Hanson
DEF - Baltimore