Dispatch from Lake Wobegon

Lake Wobegon, MN. - The people of Lake Wobegon gathered under the bandshell of Memorial Park today to protest the lack of results being posted to the AZ DFL website. "What the f*ck do we pay these f*ckers for, anyway!?", said an irate Imam Hanson. Town council member Adelaide Shmeltzel vowed to place an investigation item on the next Council agenda, stating forcefully, "We Whoopass fans need to know what is going on in the league. What the h*ll are we supposed to do, look up the scores on the new fangled internets or something?"

Trade Alert! Dreamin' v Revolution

After great consideration, the Dreamin' would like to welcome a stabilizing presence.

The Dreamin' send: Fred "Action" Jackson to
The Revolution for: Derrick "Old Man" Mason

Love
Drew

Dreamin' Lineup

New Sasabe- thank you very much for putting our pictures up everywhere. We love the publicity.

We also handed them out during the Friday Nite Fiesta that was hosted in our honor. But we asked, where was the Wetbacks representation?
The response: they aren't pretty enough to even be invited to their own party.

Wow, that's really crappy of your fans. Get it? Crappy. Do we need to say it slower for you?

And now, for all our fans, we give you a lineup that has WR's that will score a grand total of 10 points. Or so Ms. Liu hopes.

At QB: Tony "Ex Mr. Simpson" Romo
At RB: Reggie "Ex Mr. Kardashian" Bush
At RB: Fred "Action" Jackson
At WR: DeSean "Points!" Jackson DNS: Devery "Ex #4" Henderson
At WR: Robert "Ex #3" Meachem
At WR: Jerricho "1st Start" Cotchery
At TE: Cris "Hot Wife" Cooley
At PK: John "Kicker" Carney
At DF: Dallas "Tasty Jake" Cowboys

Lots of WR's: why are lots of them questionable? and not just on the official injury reports? HAH!!

Love
Drew

Russian Lineup

In observance of the Commish being on Vacation this weekend, he has texted me his lineup, and now I present it to all of you:

QB: Phillip "Phil" Rivers
RB: Steve Slaton
RB: Cadillac Williams
WR: Santonio Holmes
WR: Percy Harvin
WR: Greg Jennings
TE: Tony Scheffler
PK: Lawrence Tynes
DF: Arizona

Lynchburg JD’s Week 3 lineup

0-2????,
going to the Dbacks game and will check on the boys later $#*&#@
might take a shot at some Irish moonshine ..... lol ... "cream de mint"

I'll "LMAO" if my daughter mentions anything of a Leprechaun today.


QB: Kurt Warner - sore shoulder - (DNS - Flaco)
RB: DeAngelo Williams
RB: Ray Rice
WR: Calvin Johnson
WR: Santana Moss
WR: Hines Ward
TE: John Carlson
K: David Akers
Defense: Pittsburgh

JackStomp - Week 3

0-2 start... again.

Tomlinson still sucks.

Jackson still sucks.

There are some signs of life from a few players and some others might have some gas left in the tank... but my lineup still sucks.

QB: Bret Favre
RB: Darren Sproles
RB: Chris "Beanie" Wells
WR: Larry Fitzgerald
WR: Terrell Owens
WR: Braylon Edwards
TE: Zach Miller
K: Sebastian Janikowski
D: Green Bay

Angola - Week 3

It's late. I'm trashed. Luckily, my lineup practically starts it's self...

- The Barrah


QB Aaron Rodgers
RB Adrian Peterson
RB Michael Turner
WR Vincent Jackson
WR Randy Moss
WR Reggie Wayne
TE Jason Witten
PK Mason Crosby
DEF Denver

Horde Lineup - Week 3

QB - Peyton Manning
RB - Brandon Jacobs
RB - Matt Forte
WR - Chad Ochocinco
WR - Steve Smith
WR - Ted Ginn Jr.
TE - Antonio Gates
K - Matt Prater
DEF - Baltimore

Criminals week 3 lineup

Time to bench Brady.

QB: Ben Roethlisberger
RB: Darren McFadden
RB: Lendale White
WR: Roddy White
WR: Patrick Crayton
WR: Muhsin Muhammed
TE: Dallas Clark
K: Rob Bironas
D: Chicago

Wetbacks DFL Week 3 Lineup

To show respect for the Coaching Staff of the California Dreamin', today has been named "Abajo en Sus Rodillas" Day. In observance of this, all of the restrooms in Cruzar la Frontera Stadium have been outfitted with varying pictures of the Dreamin' staff. For example:

This is just an artist's rendering, of course. The real thing is much livelier, much more real. Anyways, on to the important stuff.

And now, here is the DFL 2009-2010 Week 2 lineup for your New Sasabe Wetbacks:

QB - Drew Brees
RB1 - Maurice Jones-Drew
RB2 - Ryan Grant
WR1 - Roy Williams
WR2 - Mario Manningham
WR3 - Johnny Knox
TE - Brent "Tom" Celek
K - Nate "El Golpeador" Kaeding
DEF - Philadelphia Eggles

Celt's Week 3 Lineup...

Our first Montgomery Division opponent of the season...

Let's hope this is not the week that the drunks from Lynchburg realize the season has started and that they should actually stop drinking long enough to field a team.

In hopes of continuing on our winning ways, the Celt's will field the following group for this weekend's contest:

QB Matt "Man-child" Ryan
RB Frank "Not Al" Gore
RB Ronnie "Sharin' Ricky's Goods" Brown
WR Anquan "Monster" Boldin
WR Wes "Wimpering" Welker (dnp J Maclin)
WR Donald "Pile" Driver
TE Tony "Tiger" Gonzalez
KI Nick "Wildcat" Folk
DEF New York "Football" Giants

Just in the case the drunks pull their heads out of their vats, we'll have plenty of single-malt available at halftime for the visiting locker room.

E~

Whoopass - Week 3 Lineup

QB: M. Schaub
RB: C. Johnson
RB: D. Brown
WR: A. Johnson
WR: M. Colston
WR: S. Smith (NYG)
TE: O. Daniels
K: R. Longwell
D: Minnesota

NFL players offer help to winless team...

In case of turmoil amongst the teams from Alameda, Lynchburg, or Team Jackstomp, never fear!! There will always be someone to lend a helping hand, as often as there's someone to help kick you while you're down...


Helping Hand vs Boot to the Head

Lynchburg JD’s Week 2 lineup

QB: Joe Flacco
RB: DeAngelo Williams
RB: Ray Rice
WR: Calvin Johnson
WR: Santana Moss
WR: Hines Ward
TE: John Carlson
K: David Akers
Defense: Pittsburgh

Dreamin' Lineup Week 2

This week, all eyes are on the WR Coach. We had some struggles there. I am not pleased.

Also this week, we have been in talks with some broadcast personnel. We seem to be lacking a sideline reporter and announcing team. The contracts are almost complete. I am hoping to make an announcement this week.

The Horde comes to the Hollywood Bowl this week. Our salons were in full swing this week. Damn what it takes to make those persons look presentable! Although our tour guides/beauty advisors were not allowed to take them down Rodeo for shopping...apparently spears and halberds are not allowed in stores. Not even for famous people!

The lineup: (We're watching you Liu!)

QB: Tony "Mr. Beautiful" Romo
RB: Reggie "Dump Pass! Dump Pass!" Bush
RB: Brian "Runnin' Hard" Westbrook
WR: DeSean "Fu**tard" Jackson
WR: Lance "#2" Moore
WR: Robert "#3" Meachem
TE: Cris "Hot Wife" Cooley
PK: John "Kicker" Carney
DF: Tennessee "Slap Me Silly" Titans

Good thing ALL of Arizona gets to watch the $%^&$%^ AZ-Jax game. I hate the Cardinals.
Bitches.

Love
Drew

JackStomp Week 2 Lineup

Lost by one friggin point last week... both keepers (LT and Stephen Jackson) are sucking ass and will remain on the bench until further notice... great start to the season!!!

WTF to do now... I guess pick a lineup.

QB: Favre (he is old but he gets SOME points)
RB: Thomas Jones (because Jackson SUCKS!!!)
RB: Darren Sproles (because LT SUCKS!!!)
WR: Larry Fitzgerald (Please, please, PLEASE live up to HALF the hype)
WR: Terrell Owens (He better catch a forking pass!!)
WR: Braylon Edwards (what the F*^K was I thinking!!)
TE: Zach Miller (The only guy worth a shit on the team)
K: Sebastian Janakowski (whatever... he's a kicker)
D: Green Bay (had to pick a bay - Green or Tampa - like it matters)


Maybe I need to go to Lynchberg and get shit-faced... I might draft better next year.


Hulkster

Russia Fielding Offers - Week 2 Lineup

MOSCOW --- Department H today confirmed rumors of a multinational Western conglomerate being in talks with Red Square over a buyout of the Revolution. "Although we still believe in Glorious People's Revolution," said an unnamed KGB colonel, "The fact of matter is we stand in lines for toilet paper. Seriously people, have you ever wiped ass with Doystoevsky? Thank God for Tolstoy, War and Peace keeps us in clean asses all year round."

Russia declined to elaborate on who precisely was talking to Department H about acquiring the franchise, stating only "Frankly whoever gives us most money so we do not have to live off rat casserole three days a week wins the team. 'Wins' of course is subjective term."

QB --- Phil Rivers
RB --- Marion Barber
RB --- Cadillac Williams
WR --- Greg Jennings
WR --- Santonio Holmes
WR --- T.J. Houshmandzadeh
TE ---- Greg Olsen
K------ Larry Tynes
D ----- Arizona

Horde Lineup - Week 2

QB - Peyton Manning
RB - Matt Forte
RB - Brandon Jacobs
WR - Chad Ochocinco
WR - Steve Smith
WR- Earl Bennett
TE - Antonio Gates
K - Matt Prater
DEF - Baltimore

Wetbacks DFL Week 2 Lineup

No time for fanfare, no time for putting down the JDs (it's too easy, anyways). Good luck and, of course...

"Stay thirsty, my friends."

And now, here is the DFL 2009-2010 Week 2 lineup for your New Sasabe Wetbacks:

QB - Drew Brees
RB1 - Maurice Jones-Drew
RB2 - Ryan Grant
WR1 - Roy Williams
WR2 - Mark Clayton
WR3 - Bernard Berrian
TE - Kevin Boss
K - Nate "El Golpeador" Kaeding
DEF - Washington 'Skins

Criminals week 2 lineup

At least the Raiders weren't agonizing to watch last Monday. Well, until the very end that is.

QB: Tom Brady
RB: Clinton Portis
RB: Darren McFadden
WR: Roddy White
WR: Patrick Crayton
WR: Torry Holt
TE: Dallas Clark
K: Rob Bironas
D: Chicago

Celt's Week 2 Lineup...

For our sojourn into the Hulkiseum to "compete" against the 'Stomp (cause you know wrasslin' is real!!!) in week 2, the Celt's will post the following lineup;

QB Matt 'Razor's Edge' Ryan
RB Frank 'Figure Four Leglock' Gore
RB Julius 'Frog Splash' Jones
WR Wes 'Rude Awakening' Welker (dnp B Stokley)
WR Anquan 'Rock Bottom' Boldin (dnp J Maclin)
WR Donald 'Pile' Driver
TE Tony 'Tombstone' Gonzalez
KI Neil 'Perfect Plex' Rackers
DF New York 'Stone Cold Stunner' Giants

We think we've juiced RWA enough for us to "win" this week, but you never know how it'll turn out (I mean, they do, but we don't), so we'll just wait and see.

Edge~

Angola - Week 2

The bus is warmed up and ready to roll...



And Mr. Stallworth has finished his safety course with Mr. Burress, and is chomping at the bit to take the wheel, at least after Rick James helped him settle his nerves so I hear...



So the Playahs are hittin' the road and heading North to kick some Whoopass... er.. ass...

Here are my starters:

QB	Aaron Rodgers
RB	Adrian Peterson
RB	Michael Turner
WR	Randy Moss
WR	Reggie Wayne
WR	Vincent Jackson
TE	Jason Witten
PK	Mason Crosby
DEF	Atlanta

Whoopass - Week 2 lineup

QB: Palmer
RB: C. Johnson
RB: D. Brown
WR: A. Johnson
WR: E. Royal
WR: M. Colston
TE: O. Daniels
K: Longwell
D: Vikings

Just in case you ever wondered what the graphics meant...

Do You Taste That?

FOOTBALL is in the air, and live on the tv. Shortly.
And the keg is cool and pouring!

And a new season begins in the DFL

Now, we have instructed our Strength and Conditioning Coach, Mr. McConaughey, to go easier on the crew next summer, as the weeks of surfing and sand volleyball has already taken its toll on Lucky Pierre.

Next, our returning bevy of coaches has remained the same from last year, they did a great job, so we look for continued success this year. (But I AM watching you Mr. McConaughey.)

Now, I thought about starting the entire New Orleans offense, seeing as they are playing Detroit. Lets see now...

And now, onto the FIRST lineup of the year from YOUR California Dreamin':

QB: Tony "Shredding the TB D" Romo
RB: Reggie "Maybe I'm Lucky Today" Bush
RB: Brian "Sexy Old Man" Westbrook
WR: Lance "#2" Moore
WR: Domenik "I Ain't No Handless Bitch" Hixon
WR: Robert "#3" Meachem
TE: Cris "Hot Wife" Cooley
PK: John "Kicker" Kasay
DF: Dallas "Loving the TB Offense" Cowboys

OK, not all the Saints, but damn well enuff of them!

Have a beautiful day

Love
Drew

Horde Lineup - Week 1

QB - Peyton Manning
RB - Matt Forte
RB - Brandon Jacobs
WR - Steve Smith
WR - Chad Ochocinco
WR - Earl Bennett
TE - Antonio Gates
K - Kris Brown
DEF - Baltimore

Sincerely,

Mr. Pickens

Celt's Week 1 Lineup

It never ceases to amaze me... 1st game of the season and ½ my team is either "Que" or "Pro"... why is it so hard to have a healthy team?

Anyway, us bitches will post the following lineup, in hopes of bitch-slappin the 'Can... again.

:-)

QB Matt "No Sophomore Jinx" Ryan
RB Frank "Who else?" Gore
RB Ronnie "Wildkitty" Brown
WR Anquan "Ooww, my hammy" Boldin (dnp Jeremy Maclin)
WR Wes "Tommy's Back" Welker (dnp Laveraneous Coles)
WR Donald "I'm the man" Driver
TE Tony "Who are the Chef's?" Gonzalez
KI Neil "Stud" Rackers
DF San Diego "Raider-bitches" Chargers


I'm guessin the waiver wire will be busy, very soon.

E~

Whoopass Week 1 Lineup

The big question is not whether the Whoopass will suffer from a post-championship malaise, but whether Ellen DeGeneris will suck as an American Idol judge. Good luck to all, bitches.

QB: Carson Palmer
RB: Chris Johnson
RB: Donald Brown
WR: Andre Johnson
WR: M. Colston
WR: E. Royal
TE: Owen Daniels
K: R. Longwell
D: Minnesota Vikings

Criminals week 1 lineup

QB: Tom "50 Touchdowns" Brady
RB: Clinton Portis
RB: Lendale White
WR: Roddy White
WR: Anthony Gonzalez
WR: Patrick Crayton
TE: Dallas Clark
K: Rob Bironas
D: Chicago

Lynchburg JD's week 1 lineup

let the games begin

QB: Kurt Warner
RB: DeAngelo Williams
RB: Ray Rice
WR: Calvin Johnson
WR: Santana Moss
WR: Hines Ward
TE: John Carlson
K: David Akers
Defense: Pittsburgh

It is that time of the year again. All of my little Hulkamaniacs have been taking their vitamins and eating their vegetables and are ready to see their favorite team hit the field and win some f&*%ing games!! The problem I see with our opener is trying to keep the JackStomp players focus on the game instead of the spectacle of The Dreamin front office. Our only hope is that Beckham has been teaching the wrong type of football to his team.

Ready or not... here is the first Lineup for the 2009-2010 JackStomp:


QB: Bret "Bert" Favre
RB: Stephen Jackson
RB: LaDanian Tomlinson
WR: Larry Fitzgerald
WR: Terrell "T-O-E"Owens
WR: Braylon Edwards
TE: Zach Miller
K: Sebastian Janikowski
D: Green Bay

Angola - Week 1

I'm still trying to figure out Russia's headline to their post, "eighth time's a charm". Because I'm pretty sure we're in the 9th year. But that's the problem with those commies, always behind the times. Which likely explains a lot about their performance in the league over the years.

But that's not what I'm here to talk about. I'm here to say we are entering the best time of the year. The season is upon us, good luck all, have fun, and let the smack-talkin' begin.

- The Barrah

And now, the 1st week starting lineup for the Penitentiary Playahs:

QB	Aaron Rodgers
RB	Adrian Peterson
RB	Michael Turner
WR	Randy Moss
WR	Reggie Wayne
WR	Dwayne Bowe
TE	Jason Witten
PK	Mason Crosby
DEF	New England

Wetbacks DFL Week 1 Lineup

NEW SASABE, MEXICO - The new GM of the Wetbacks, The Most Interesting Man in the World, had only this to say of the Wetbacks' Week 1 opponent, The Nomadic Mongol Horde:

"Fellows, leave the tight pants to the ladies. If I can count the coins in your pocket, you better use them to call the tailor."

What exactly that means, we are unsure, but since it was spoken by The Most Interesting Man in the World, it must mean something, right? Yes? No? Maybe so?


And now, here is the DFL 2009-2010 Week 1 lineup for your New Sasabe Wetbacks:

QB - Drew Brees
RB1 - Maurice Jones-Drew
RB2 - Kevin Smith
WR1 - Roy Williams
WR2 - Bernard Berrian (dnp Mark Clayton)
WR3 - Michael Jenkins
TE - Anthony Fasano
K - Nate "El Golpeador" Kaeding
DEF - Philadephia Eggles

Revolution Hoping Eighth Time's A Charm

Or something.

Look, the fact of the matter is that Willie F#$%ing Parker is no longer on our team, which automatically makes us 43% better than last year.

Also, we'd like to announce that as of next year, we will be relocating the Revolution out of Moscow with an eye towards rebranding and renaming. The story of how our front office comes to decide where to go will be played out in the posts of the coming weeks.

That said, let's hope we don't lose --- what? San Diego's playing Oakland? Oh, let's kick the shit out of Lynchburg in week one, what say?

QB --- Phil Rivers
RB --- Steve Slaton
RB --- Marion Barber
WR --- Santonio Holmes
WR --- Greg Jennings
WR --- T.J. Houshmandzadeh
TE ---- Greg Olsen
K ----- Larry Tynes
D ----- Houston

/looks at defense
/double-checks draft list
/looks at defense again
/shits pants