Bittersweet Start to Season

By Tyrone "Tookie" Samuels

Angola Free Press
Angola, LA – A solid start to the season as the Playahs rolled over perennial league doormat and cross-country rival Alameda, 137 to 63. Angola’s ground game was hitting on all cylinders, lead by Michael Turner’s sensational 220 yards and two TD’s. QB Tony Romo was workman like, spreading the ball around, and hitting favorite targets like Kellen Winslow Jr five times for 47 yards and a TD. Another solid performance was turned in by wideout Nate Burleson, with five catches for 60 yards and a TD. But Burleson succumbed to a knee injury late in the game that will cause him to miss the rest of the season. Word is that the club reached an injury settlement with him, cut him a check, and released him in to the gator infested swamps. We wish Nate luck.

More tragedy struck when GQ QB Tom Brady, who did not start due to a prior spa appointment that conflicted with the scheduled kickoff time, was injured shortly after arriving at the stadium. As Brady made his way from the locker room to the bench, he made a poor decision and flashed a smile at a star struck cheerleader, who promptly swooned, falling into his left knee, rupturing his ACL and MCL (apparently made of papier-mâché) and ending his season. As for Brady’s status with the team, The Barrah commented, “we’ve got too much guaranteed money tied up in Tom to dispo… eh… give him the kind of settlement we gave Mr. Burleson.”

And this was only week one, it promises to not get any easier down the road.