Stearns County, Minnesota - The Chatterbox Cafe on Main Street in Lake Wobegon was in an uproar today, with everyone enjoying the sweet potato crepe specials (only $4.99, includes coffee), but the uproar was not about the rumored canned sweet potatoes that were allegedly used as filling for the crepes. Oh no, the uproar was over the Town Council's executive session this morning to discuss the stinking Commie bastard's pathetic plea for leniency in the upcoming Whoopass-Revolution tilt.
The team owner and coach were invited into the Council's behind closed-doors session to answer questions regarding any possible let down, and to demand, on behalf of the citizens of Lake Wobegon, not including that enclave of Commie motherf*ckers, um, Russian immigrants who bought the Ormandson's farm and compound off of Route 24 a couple years ago, (- ed. The Herald Star editorial board has evidence that they are sacrificing children to some dark Russian mystical guru out on Route 24. Look for our indepth expose in the coming weeks. We think we saw Obama there too.), that the Whoopass give none of their best players the next 2 weeks off, especially this week.
Coach Noir was questioned after the session with the Council, and he had this to say, in his typical direct fashion, "F*ck off." Pastor Ingqvist, from the Our Lady of Perpetual Responsibility Catholic Church, was nearby and overheard the Coach's comment, chastising him for his lack of sensitivity for the anti-Communist fervor that continues to simmer in the Town. "Those Russians think they somehow can play our American football game, and they hide behind perestroika and glasnost in embracing some of our western ways, but Lake Wobegon folk are all above average, and we see through their satanic, commie bullsh*t," said Pastor Ingqvist.
This reporter, along with the rest of the community, waits in eager anticipation for the announcement of the Whoopass Roster for Week 12.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment