ALERT: California Dreamin' Fire Staff and Coaches

We have received a sports alert message regarding the DFL team California Dreamin'.



This notice was sent to media outlets from the office of Drew Barrymore:



Ladies and Gentlemen, I, the owner of the California Dreamin', have been mulling some very difficult decisions regarding the Dreamin'. After this latest loss, and very lackluster performance all year, I have decided to finally make those decisions.

First, after having discussions with GM Keira Knightley, she is staying on board and will be helping to right the ship. I would like to graciously thank her for the help that she has provided on this very dark day in Dreamin' history.

I would now like to announce the following firings:

• Head Coach Goldie Hawn


• Director of Player Personnel Ron Howard


• Offensive Coordinator Kristy Swanson


• Offensive Line Coach Dmitry Cassov


• Defensive Line Coach Nick Cassov


• Running Backs Coach Eliza Dushku


• Wide Receivers Coach Robin Williams


• Strength and Conditioning Coach David Hasslehoff

This were not easy decisions to make. Most of these coaches have been with us for 8 years, weathering the storms and savoring the successes. I want to thank them for their efforts over the past 8 years, but our performance this season has been poor, and I wish them the best in all their future endeavours. And, after seeking legal guidance, they have signed paperwork relieving them of their coaching duties, and signing a Non Disclosure Agreement that will serve for five years of not releasing inside DFL information to other leagues and teams, including that of the DFL.

In this time of great upheaval at Dreamin' HQ, there is a lone bright spot today. Our NEW Head Coach has arrived at the Bowl for talks regarding most of his new staff. I would like to introduce you to our new Head Coach, a man who has played the game of Football for years, and is renowned for his style, be it on, or off the field.

I present you with the man, the myth, none other than: David Beckham

Thank you all for your continued support. Please expect the rest of the announcements regarding positions to be filled in the next few days.

~Love

Drew