Uproar in Whoopass country

Stearns County, MN - The Chatterbox Cafe was abuzz this morning with discussion about the DFL's annual draft over the weekend. In particular, conversation focused on the Whoopass selection of the Packer Who Shall Not Be Named as a member of the team. "It's a travesty, a mockery,... a traveshamockery," announced Mildred Holstien, head of the local Ladies Auxiliary. "I would just as soon see one of my children paint the statue of the Unknown Norwegian a russkie color of red than have the Packer play for the Whoopass, you betcha." Clarence Bunson, one of the owners of Bunson Motors in Lake Wobegon, was equally emphatic, "F*CK THE OWNER, F*CK GUY NOIR, and F*CK THE PACKER WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED!" A daily prayer vigil has begun at Our Lady of Perpetual Responsibility Catholic Church, in the hopes that prayers, lamentations, and supplication can buy back the Owner's soul.