Whoopass Lineup - Championship Edition

For all the marbles, the quid, the bragging rights.

QB: Cutler
RB: Chris Johnson
RB: Gore (dns Barber)
WR: Andre Johnson
WR: Calvin Johnson
WR: Vincent Jackson
TE: Shockey
K: Gostkowski
D: Giants

Lynchburg JD’s 2008 Playoff lineup

Due to the bastards at COX suckn cable decide to work in the area, I have a belated late coming post for tonights game in which we were never planning on using Denver Defense anyways,.... well here it is..... get drunk and win JD's

QB: Kurt Warner
RB: Jerious Norwood
RB: DeAngelo Williams
WR: Terrell Owens
WR: Hines Ward
WR: Brandon Marshall
TE: Todd Heap
K: Neil Rackers
Defense: Indianapolis

Someone has stolen a corpse....

... if anyone has seen the corpse of one Al Davis, please contact the DFL office. We used to know where the corpse was located, but it is not to be found there anymore.

Please, no false corpse sightings need be reported...

Edge~

Lynchburg JD’s 2008 Divisional Playoffs Lineup

QB: Kurt Warner
RB: Jerious Norwood
RB: DeAngelo Williams
WR: Terrell Owens
WR: Hines Ward
WR: Brandon Marshall
TE: Todd Heap
K: Neil Rackers
Defense: Indianapolis

Dreamin' Div Championship Lineup

And here....we....go!

QB: Eli "StudMuffin" Manning
RB: Thomas "Too-Tall" Jones
RB: Jonathan "Run, Run You Bastard" Stewart
WR: TJ "No Name Needed" Houshmanzadeh
WR: Derrick "Old Man of the Sea" Mason
WR: Domenik "Has it Really Come Down to This?" Hixon
TE: Cris "Not Christopher" Cooley
PK: John "Kicker" Carney DNP John "Kicker" Kasay
DF: Philadelphia "How Now Browns Cow" Eagles

And thank you to the DFL Commissioner for allowing us a week off. We had a great time windsurfing at Hood River, and surfing off the North Coast of Australia. It was Fabulous! We may even have pictures for you all. I mean, afterall, we DID take a cameraman with us.

Coach Beckham

Angola Divisional Playoff Linup

Well, here we are again. Another team I couldn't handle during the regular season, getting dominated twice. Will the third time be a charm again? I really hope so.

QB Aaron Rodgers
RB Adrian Peterson
RB Michael Turner
WR Devone Bess
WR Marvin Harrison
WR Roddy White
TE John Carlson
PK Nick Folk
DEF Baltimore

Whoopass Lineup - Playoffs

Here we are. Time to validate the season. Of course, this is the week where I have to start a RB combination that I never started throughout the season. Depth, don't fail me now!

QB: Cutler
RB: Chris Johnson
RB: Jones-Drew
WR: Andrew Johnson
WR: Calvin Johnson
WR: Vincent Jackson
TE: (not sure here - do I get Olsen's points, since he was my last starter?) - both were on Thurs night game. missed posting.
K: Gostkowski
D: Giants

Good luck, all.

Lynchburg JD’s Playoff lineup for week 14

Whisky River take my mind, Yee Haa!
I can just smell the vodka coming off therr breaths as they speakn in toung twisten language.
Kick fuck’n ass, it’s a whisky vs. vodka showdown just like in the back woods.
And now for an enjoyable outlook for this week. by the way, thanks to Chad, my son and I will be watching our boy Kurt vs. Rams reunion on Sunday.
and for your playoff starters:
QB: Kurt Warner
RB: Joseph Addai - "my knee hurts" won't step up to the plate this year. (DNS - Jerious Norwood)
RB: DeAngelo Williams
WR: Terrell Owens
WR: Hines Ward
WR: Brandon Marshall
TE: Todd Heap
K: Neil Rackers
Defense: Indianapolis

Let the shots be gone!

Celt's Wildcard Playoff Lineup for Week 14

Well now.... 3rd matchup of the year against Angola. They made a valiant effort in the most recent contest, after the blowout loss suffered in Week 2, but it was still a loss. I guess if it's "3rd times the charm", then I'll be waiting for next year's draft, but I'm hoping for the "3 strikes, y'er out" scenario to send 'em packing.

Interesting matchups this week. We hate to "take a flyer" in a playoff game, but we really don't have much choice. We're going with the oft-maligned (and for good reason) Mr Thigpen at QB versus the mediocre Denver defense, the newly acquired Mr Hillis (assuming his hangnail gets repaired) against the even more mediocre KC defense, and the stalwart TB defense, even though it's a road game.

The complete roster is as follows:

QB T Thigpen
RB R. Brown
RB P. Hillis (dnp B Westbrook (dnp C Buckhalter)) ridiculous, I know, but it's a playoff game
WR R Moss
WR A Boldin (dnp K Curtis)
WR S Breaston
TE T Gonzalez
KI K Brown
Def TB Buccaneers

If it works to get me to the rubber-match w/ Bigcanov, then I'm a genius. And if not, then we'll give the corn-dog vendor to Russia so their annual post season torture party can get started.

Edge~

Angola Wildcard Playoff Lineup

Well, here we are again, in what seems to be the annual 3rd meeting with the Celts. They've already thrashed me twice this year, hope this one turns out different, and is the beginning to another playoff run.

QB Aaron Rodgers
RB Adrian Peterson
RB Michael Turner
WR Lee Evans
WR DeSean Jackson
WR Roddy White
TE Tony Scheffler
PK Nick Folk
DEF Baltimore

Russia Playoff Lineup!

Sweet Christmas Jones, for the first time in for-fucking-ever the Revolution head office hasn't had to celebrate the end of another fruitless season with mass executions, firing squads, and kangaroo courts in Red Square!

Unfortunately, because our largest industry --- coffinmaking and burial services --- rather depends on this usually dependable spike in sales every year, this means that our economy is now in the toilet.

Eh, who needs to eat when we've got football?!? Send in the rookies! Also, Willie Fucking Parker.

QB --- Matt Ryan
RB --- Steve Slaton
RB --- Willie Parker (DNS BenJarvus Green-Ellis)
WR --- Larry Fitzgerald
WR --- Greg Jennings
WR --- Dwayne Bowe
TE ---- Owen Daniels
K ----- Robbie Gould
D ----- Dallas

PLAYOFF REMINDER

Defenses are the tiebreakers this year; no need to name a playoff tie-breaker.

Dreamin' Week 13 Lineup

Week 13. No lock for the playoffs. A win and the playoffs are a go. A loss by one of three teams and the playoffs are a go.

We love Week 13!

The Lineup:

QB: Eli "Its a Beautiful Day" Manning
RB: Reggie "Trimmin' Kims" Bush
RB: Thomas "Madman Rumblin" Jones
WR: Derrick "Old Man of the Sea" Mason
WR: Braylon "Hands of Steel" Edwards
WR: TJ "Nothing Required Here" Houshmanzadeh
TE: Cris "Gimme Gimme Gimme" Cooley
PK: Rian "Kicker" Lindell
DF: Pittsburgh "Aluminum Curtain" Steelers

Criminals week 13 full lineup

QB: Peyton Manning
RB: Clinton Portis DNS Deuce Mcallister
RB: Lendale White
WR: Santana Moss
WR: Santonio Holmes
WR: Jabar Gaffney
TE: Dallas Clark
K: Rob Bironas
D: Minnesota

Beginning of the End

Jason Witten's Stat Line:

9 catches

115 yards

1 touchdown

Who'd I start? Kevin Boss.

Sheeeeeeeeee-it.

Angola Week 13 Full Lineup

QB Tony Romo
RB Adrian Peterson
RB Michael Turner
WR Lee Evans
WR DeSean Jackson
WR Roddy White
TE Kellen Winslow
PK Nick Folk
DEF Baltimore

JackStomp Week 13 Lineup

QB: Matt Hasselbeck (DNS JaMarcus Russell)
RB: LaDanian Tomlinson
RB: Darren Sproles
WR: Reggie Wayne
WR: Muhsin Muhammad
WR: Donald Driver
TE: Zach Miller
K: Nate Kaeding
D: Arizona

Lynchburg JDs Week 13 lineup

QB: Kurt Warner
RB: Joseph Addai
RB: DeAngelo Williams
WR: Terrell Owens
WR: Hines Ward
WR: Brandon Marshall
TE: Todd Heap
K: Neil Rackers
Defense: Indianapolis

Horde Lineup - Week 13

QB - Brett Favre
RB - Matt Forte
RB - Warrick Dunn
WR - Steve Smith
WR - Kevin Walter
WR - Eddie Royal
TE - Antonio Gates
K - Jason Elam
DEF - Tennessee

Wetbacks DFL Week 13 Lineup

Well, shit. The word "almost" seems to sum up the season. Worst case scenario, we get a high pick in the draft next year.

How do you score the most points in your division (almost the league) and be in last?!?

And now, the DFL Week 12 lineup for your New Sasabe Wetbacks:

QB - Drew Brees
RB1 - Marshawn Lynch
RB2 - Ryan Grant
WR1 - Bernard Berrian
WR2 - Antonio Bryant
WR3 - Lance Moore
TE - Kevin Boss
K - Matt "El Golpeador" Bryant
DEF - New York Jets

Russia Week 13 Lineup

God damn.

Week 13, and I'm in second place.

This ain't right.

First of all, kudos to the Rommel division teams, almost all of which did precisely as I asked and beat their opponents last week --- with the notable exception of Jackstomp, who have assured their status as "Primary Landing Zone" when the Revolution parachutes in Red Dawn-style to raze their hobo camp to the ground.

This week, I implore more of the same from our friends on the left side of the web page. Fight! Beat those filthy buggers down! For the pride of the Rommel division! FIGHT, damn you!

Er, except Alameda. We'd actually prefer that they not show up at all.

QB --- Phil Rivers
RB --- Steve Slaton
RB --- Darren McFadden
WR --- Larry Fitzgerald
WR --- Greg Jennings
WR --- Wes Welker
TE ---- Owen Daniels
K ----- Robbie Gould
D ----- Dallas

Whoopass Lineup - Week 13

Are we defining "limping in?"

QB: Cutler
RB: Gore
RB: Barber
WR: A. Johnson
WR: C. Johnson
WR: L. Coles
TE: Shockey
K: Gostkowski
D: Giants

Celt's Week 13 Lineup

Win or lose, we should be in the playoffs. So, barring any unforeseen injuries that cause a change, the Celt's will start the following lineup.

QB Chad Pennington
RB Brian Westbrook (dnp Correll Buckhalter)
RB Ronnie Brown
WR Randy Moss
WR Anquan Boldin
WR Steve Breaston
TE Tony Gonzalez
KI David Akers
Def Tampa Bay


E~

p.s. - if your equipment manager fails to make the flight back, no worries, we'll return her when we're done.

:-)

Criminals week 13 partial lineup

Manning finally plays a game, too late for the Criminals, though.

RB: Lendale White
K: Rob Bironas

Angola Week 13 Partial Lineup

QB Tony "Smilin' Assassin" Romo
WR DeSean "Slicker Than Boiled Eagle Shit" Jackson
PK Nick Folk

JackStomp Well 12 Lineup

Have we clinched the #1 pick yet? Or do we suck at that too?

QB: Matt Hasselbeck (DNS JaMarcus Russell)
RB: LaDanian Tomlinson
RB: Darren Sproles
WR: Reggie Wayne
WR: Muhsin Muhammad
WR: Donald Driver
TE: Zach Miller
K: Nate Kaeding
D: Arizona

Dreamin Week 12 Lineup

First, I"d like to throw a big shout out to the Wetbacks. Three points baby! So sad.

And now, this weeks lineup:

QB: Eli "Responding to Jack Burton Coaching" Manning
RB: Reggie "Trimmin' Kim's" Bush DNP Thomas Jones
RB: Jonathan "Mr. Rookie" Stewart
WR: TJ "Thursday Day Text to Commish" Houshmanzadeh
WR: Braylon "STOP Imitating Alvin the Handless Bitch Harper" Edwards
WR: Derrick "Old Man of the Sea" Mason
TE: Cris "Keep On Catching" Cooley
PK: Rian "Kicker" Lindel
DF: Pittsburgh "Thursday Day Text to Commish" Defense

Enjoy
Coach Beckham

Horde Lineup - Week 12

QB - Donovan McNabb
RB - Matt Forte
RB - Warrick Dunn
WR - Steve Smith
WR - Eddie Royal
WR - Kevin Walter
TE - Antonio Gates
K - Matt Prater
DEF - Tennessee

Angola Week 12 Lineup

QB Aaron Rodgers
RB Adrian Peterson
RB Jamal Lewis
WR Lee Evans
WR DeSean Jackson
WR Roddy White
TE Kellen Winslow (dns Tony Scheffler)
PK Nick Folk
DEF Baltimore

Criminals week 12 lineup

QB: Peyton Manning
RB: Clinton Portis DNS Deuce McAllister
RB: Lendale White
WR: Santana Moss
WR: Jabar Gaffney
WR: DJ Hackett
TE: Dallas Clark
K: Rob Bironas
D: Minnesota

Wetbacks DFL Week 12 Lineup

3. Effing. Points.

To think that our whole season may come down to a freakin' field goal.

And to pour salt into the wound, the loss was to the Dreamin'.

OK, here we go, back into the playoff picture...

And now, the DFL Week 12 lineup for your New Sasabe Wetbacks:

QB - Drew Brees
RB1 - Marshawn Lynch
RB2 - Ryan Grant
WR1 - Jerricho Cotchery
WR2 - Antonio Bryant
WR3 - Lance Moore
TE - Jason Witten
K - Matt "El Golpeador" Bryant
DEF - New York Jets

Whoopass Lineup - Week 12

QB: Cutler
RB: Barber
RB: C. Johnson
WR: A. Johnson
WR: C. Johnson
WR: L. Coles
TE: Olsen
K: Gostkowski
D: Bears

Lynchburg JDs Week 12 lineup

QB: Kurt Warner
RB: Joseph Addai
RB: DeAngelo Williams
WR: Terrell Owens
WR: Hines Ward
WR: Brandon Marshall
TE: Todd Heap
K: Neil Rackers
Defense: Indianapolis

Celt's Week 12 Lineup

Aahhh.... the "joy" of losing to a bunch of sourmash sucking drunks.... humiliating, at the least.

To try and recover a small semblence of competitiveness in this season of mediocrity, we will (woefully) use the following cast of characters...

QB Ben Elmer Fudd Roethlisberger
RB Ronnie Roadrunner Brown
RB Brian Sheepdog Westbrook (dnp C Buckhalter)
WR Anquan Foghorn Leghorn Boldin
WR Steve Junyer Bear Breaston
WR Randy Sylvester Moss
TE Tony Piggy Gonzalez
KI David Pepe Le Pew Akers
DF Tampa Bay

Win or Lose... I like my odds of gettin a rubber match with the 'canov.

E~

Whoopass lineup - Week 12 Preview

Stearns County, Minnesota - The Chatterbox Cafe on Main Street in Lake Wobegon was in an uproar today, with everyone enjoying the sweet potato crepe specials (only $4.99, includes coffee), but the uproar was not about the rumored canned sweet potatoes that were allegedly used as filling for the crepes. Oh no, the uproar was over the Town Council's executive session this morning to discuss the stinking Commie bastard's pathetic plea for leniency in the upcoming Whoopass-Revolution tilt.

The team owner and coach were invited into the Council's behind closed-doors session to answer questions regarding any possible let down, and to demand, on behalf of the citizens of Lake Wobegon, not including that enclave of Commie motherf*ckers, um, Russian immigrants who bought the Ormandson's farm and compound off of Route 24 a couple years ago, (- ed. The Herald Star editorial board has evidence that they are sacrificing children to some dark Russian mystical guru out on Route 24. Look for our indepth expose in the coming weeks. We think we saw Obama there too.), that the Whoopass give none of their best players the next 2 weeks off, especially this week.

Coach Noir was questioned after the session with the Council, and he had this to say, in his typical direct fashion, "F*ck off." Pastor Ingqvist, from the Our Lady of Perpetual Responsibility Catholic Church, was nearby and overheard the Coach's comment, chastising him for his lack of sensitivity for the anti-Communist fervor that continues to simmer in the Town. "Those Russians think they somehow can play our American football game, and they hide behind perestroika and glasnost in embracing some of our western ways, but Lake Wobegon folk are all above average, and we see through their satanic, commie bullsh*t," said Pastor Ingqvist.

This reporter, along with the rest of the community, waits in eager anticipation for the announcement of the Whoopass Roster for Week 12.

Russian Lineup Week 12

Ahem.

We here at the Revolution front office would like to announce as positive a statement as we can muster at this time.

We are 5-6, which is approximately 4 wins over where we thought we'd be at this time of year. We can still make the playoffs for only the second time in team history. We implore the Rommel division to win every single one of their games this weekend, with the notable exception of Bigcanov, whom we intend to beat like a rented goalie.

This means Jackstomp has to enter a lineup that doesn't include Hulk Hogan's daughter.
Celts have to start someone other than people named "Sage" or "Tyler" at QB.
Alameda needs to start their least-injured running backs, and forget Javon Walker is on the roster.
Angola must... well, we're not exactly sure what Angola has to do, since we still can't figure out that team.

Either way, the message is: win your damn games, with the aforementioned exception of Bigcanov, who --- and we cannot stress this enough --- really should think about rewarding their team with a vacation this Sunday. We'll even cover the expenses.

QB --- Phil Rivers
RB --- Steve Slaton
RB --- Willie Parker (DNS Ben Jarvus Green Ellis)
WR --- Larry Fitzgerald
WR --- Greg Jennings
WR --- Wes Welker
TE ---- Owen Daniels
K ----- Robbie Gould
D ----- Dallas

Lynchburg JDs Week 11 lineup

QB: Kurt Warner
RB: Jerious Norwood
RB: DeAngelo Williams
WR: Isaac Bruce
WR: Hines Ward
WR: Brandon Marshall
TE: Todd Heap
K: Neil Rackers
Defense: Indianapolis

Dreamin' Lineup

Coach Beckham here. In part of the deal with Owner Barrymore, I required to be doing the lineups, changes, etc.

So, here is this weeks lineup from your new Coaching Staff of the Dreamin':

QB: Eli Manning
RB: Thomas Jones (Thursday posting)
RB: Jonathan Stewart
WR: Plaxico Burress
WR: Braylon Edwards
WR: TJ Houshmanzadeh
TE: Cris Cooley
PK: John Carney DNS Rian Lindell
DF: Philadelphia

Some may ask why do I DNS Mr. Carney. Well, he is the backup. One day, Lawrence Tynes will return. And Kickers on the Injury Report is rare, and news on kickers even rarer.

Thank you
Coach Beckham

Russian Lineup Week 11

Good God... we're still in this thing!

QB --- Matty Ice
RB --- Steve Slaton
RB --- Willie Parker (DNS Ray Rice)
WR ---- Larry Fitzgerald
WR ---- Greg Jennings
WR --- Dwayne Bowe
TE ----- Owen Daniels
K --- Robbie Gould
D ---- Green Bay

JackStomp Week 11 Lineup

Ummm... still sucking.

QB: Matt Hasselbeck (DNS Marc Bulger)
RB: LaDanian Tomlinson
RB: Chester Taylor
WR: Reggie Wayne
WR: Donald Driver
WR: Muhsin Muhammad
TE: Alge Crumpler
K: Nate Kaeding
D: Oakland

Angola Week 11 Lineup

QB Tony Romo (dns Aaron Rodgers)
RB Adrian Peterson
RB Michael Turner
WR Lee Evans
WR DeSean Jackson
WR Roddy White
TE Kellen Winslow
PK Nick Folk
DEF Baltimore

Criminals week 11 lineup

Heh, talk about parity in the Montgomery division.

QB: Peyton Manning
RB: Lendale White
RB: Deuce McAllister
WR: Santana Moss
WR: Santonio Holmes
WR: Patrick Crayton
TE: Dallas Clark
K: Rob Bironas
D: Minnesota

Horde Lineup - Week 11

QB - Donovan McNabb
RB - Matt Forte
RB - Brandon Jacobs
WR - Steve Smith
WR - Eddie Royal
WR - Kevin Walter
TE - Antonio Gates
K - Matt Prater
DEF - Tennessee

Whoopass lineup - Week 11

Rebound!

QB: Cutler
RB: Gore
RB: Barber
WR: A. Johnson
WR: C. Johnson
WR: V. Jackson
TE: G. Olsen
K: Suisham
D: Giants

Dreamin' Partial Lineup

Sent an email earlier in the day to Commish cuz blogger was down.

But, since its back up and game not on yet:

RB: Thomas "Not Too Tall" Jones

Wetbacks DFL Week 11 Lineup

Drew, if all of your wannabe Spice girl, Beckham-ite coaches each had half a brain, they'd still only have half a brain.

And that includes the hugely miniscule melon of Beckham himself.

And now, the DFL Week 10 lineup for your New Sasabe Wetbacks:

QB - Drew "Big Numbers" Brees
RB1 - Marshawn "Can I Have 100 Yards? PLEASE?!?" Lynch
RB2 - Ryan "I SCORED A TOUCHDOWN!" Grant
WR1 - Jerricho "Mr. Thursday Night" Cotchery
WR2 - Antonio "Pro-Bowl" Bryant
WR3 - Marques "Colston .45" Colston
TE - Jason "Prototype" Witten
K - Adam "El Golpeador" Vinatieri
DEF - New York J-E-T-S JETS! JETS! JETS!

Celt's Week 11 Lineup

Aahh.... our much anticipated annual matchup with the drunken fools from Lynchburg.

Hopefully we can diffuse their gameplan with our imported single-malt Irish whiskey again. It seems their bourbon-tempered innards have a difficult time with a true whiskey.

For this week's matchup, we'll try the following personnel;

Newly signed Tyler Thigpen at QB. Hopefully his continued improvement will shine against the Saints dilapidated secondary. That, and having LJ back shouldn't hurt.

The ever stellar workhorse tandem of Brian Westbrook and Ronnie Brown at RB should keep it consistent. They should both be able to run rough-shod over Cincy and Oakland, respectively.

The A+ production duo of Steve Breaston and Anquan Boldin at WR (1 & 2) against the Seattle "Weekhawks"... with a chance to pad their NFC Worst lead to 5 games, we expect big things.

Although we considered benching him for his lack of production, we will go ahead and start Randy Moss at WR (3) against the on again/off again Jets defense. Mr Moss has been warned that continued single-digit production will earn him a 'time out" with the corn dog vendor.

Our one and only, the best to ever play the position, still producing even after being lied to; Mr Tony Gonzalez at TE. Again, the Saints.... need I say more.

Our choice for 'foot-of-the-week' falls to none other than Kris Brown at KI, due to the fact that Philly will be most liekly scoring touchdowns, while Houston loves to choke in teh red-zone and settle for FG attempts.

The choice for starting defense was a tough one this week. Even though the Bucs are the 2nd ranking defense (as far as projected point totals), we have to give the nod to the Carolina Panthers at DEF, because, frankly, Detroit just sucks.


The most important thing is to not get caught looking ahead to the season-ending matchup with California and their new staff's distractions. We've already had to put a stop to the locker-room pool for who would get the Dreamin's Laura to "manage their equipment"....

Until next week,

Edge

Day 2 of New Dreamin' Coaches

Good morning, good morning to all of you.

The Dreamin' would like to announce that all of their coaching positions have been filled.
Bios will come later, but for now, here are the announcements for the new coaches.

Offensive Line Coach: Gretchen Bleiler (Olympic US Snowboarder)

Defensive Line Coach: Jennie Finch (US Olympian Womens Softball)

Strength and Conditioning Coach: Matthew McConaughey (Actor/Surfer/Beach Bum)

Director of Player Personnel: Denzel Washington

AND, last, but NOT least, our NEW Equipment Manager: Laura. Just Laura

Thank you all
~Love
Drew

Dreamin' Announce New Offense Coaches

The Dreamin' would like to announce a couple of the new coaches to grace us with their presence. These selections were made by our new Head Coach, David Beckham. He has convinced us that more athleticism is needed on the staff to properly coach and inspire.

First, I would like to announce our new Offensive Coordinator.
She is a professional on the Womens Surfing Organization. She is new to the tour, hungry and wanting to reach that championship level.

I give you: Hailey Partridge

Next, our new Running Backs Coach. She comes to us from Coach Beckhams neck of the woods, football, or, as we call it here, soccer. Owner of an Olympic Gold Medal we would like to welcome:

Hope Solo

And for our last coach hired today, for Wide Receivers Coach, she also comes from Coach Beckhams profession. She is a true international star and model, so we welcome her with open arms, and hope that the Chinese government continues to allow her to work in the country. Greetings to:

Liu Yu Qi

~Love

Drew

Wetbacks DFL Week 11 Partial Lineup

WR1 - Jerricho "Catchery" Cotchery
DEF - New York J-E-T-S JETS! JETS! JETS!

We, as an organization, are still feeling the euphoria from whoopin ass on the Whoopass. While we weren't as solid team-wise as we would like to have been (not to name any names, but *COUGH* Marshawn *HACK* Lynch *WRETCH*), there has been much imbibing of a certain south-of-the-border originated adult beverage and a whole lot of consuming of a well known Hispanic-themed legume-filled flat unleavened bread product. All this plus we now have a new source of natural gas to run the generators of Cruzar la Frontera Stadium for this weeks' game against the stumbling California Dreamin'.

¡EL PRESIDENTE DE VIVA!

(well, at least El Wetbacks de Viva)

ALERT: California Dreamin' Fire Staff and Coaches

We have received a sports alert message regarding the DFL team California Dreamin'.



This notice was sent to media outlets from the office of Drew Barrymore:



Ladies and Gentlemen, I, the owner of the California Dreamin', have been mulling some very difficult decisions regarding the Dreamin'. After this latest loss, and very lackluster performance all year, I have decided to finally make those decisions.

First, after having discussions with GM Keira Knightley, she is staying on board and will be helping to right the ship. I would like to graciously thank her for the help that she has provided on this very dark day in Dreamin' history.

I would now like to announce the following firings:

• Head Coach Goldie Hawn


• Director of Player Personnel Ron Howard


• Offensive Coordinator Kristy Swanson


• Offensive Line Coach Dmitry Cassov


• Defensive Line Coach Nick Cassov


• Running Backs Coach Eliza Dushku


• Wide Receivers Coach Robin Williams


• Strength and Conditioning Coach David Hasslehoff

This were not easy decisions to make. Most of these coaches have been with us for 8 years, weathering the storms and savoring the successes. I want to thank them for their efforts over the past 8 years, but our performance this season has been poor, and I wish them the best in all their future endeavours. And, after seeking legal guidance, they have signed paperwork relieving them of their coaching duties, and signing a Non Disclosure Agreement that will serve for five years of not releasing inside DFL information to other leagues and teams, including that of the DFL.

In this time of great upheaval at Dreamin' HQ, there is a lone bright spot today. Our NEW Head Coach has arrived at the Bowl for talks regarding most of his new staff. I would like to introduce you to our new Head Coach, a man who has played the game of Football for years, and is renowned for his style, be it on, or off the field.

I present you with the man, the myth, none other than: David Beckham

Thank you all for your continued support. Please expect the rest of the announcements regarding positions to be filled in the next few days.

~Love

Drew

Russia Week 10 Lineup

QB --- Phil Rivers
RB --- Willie Parker (DNS Ray Rice)
RB --- Steve Slaton
WR --- Larry Fitzgerald
WR --- Greg Jennings
WR --- Wes Welker
TE --- Owen Daniels
K --- Robbie Gould
D --- Green Bay

Dreamin' Week 10 Lineup

We here at the Dreamin would like to throw a "HELL YEAH" to Mr. Braylon Fucking Edwards and his new non-bitch Brady Quinn. Thanks Ms. Quinn for 1 pass to your #1 receiver. May you blow chunks all week from spoiled bologna!

QB: Eli "Show Ms. Quinn How Its Done" Manning
RB: Fred "Thought Ms. Quinn Was a Medicine Woman" Jackson
RB: Thomas "I Produced Last Week, So I'm Off This Week" Jones
WR: Braylon "I Played Like a Little Bitch Thurday For 1 catch and 15 Yards" Edwards
WR: Plaxico "I Can Outdo Your 1 Pansy Catch Bitch Braylon" Burress
WR: Derrick "Good Think I Have the Flacco and Not Ms. Quinn" Mason
TE: Anthony "Thought Ms. Quinn Was the Bionic Woman" Fasano
PK: John "Kicker" Carney DNS Rian Lindell
DF: Pittsburgh "Risking the Indy" Steelers

Oh, by the way Ms. Quinn, we sent you a package. I don't think it will spoil. Try it anyways, its the rage in Hollywood.

~Love
Drew

JackStomp Week 10 Lineup

We Suck.... Still.

QB: Marc Bulger
RB: LaDanian Tomlinson
RB: Justin Fargas
WR: Reggie Wayne
WR: Donald Driver
WR: Muhsin Muhammad
TE: Zach Miller
K: Nate Kaeding
D: Arizona

Criminals week 10 lineup

Effing Pittsburgh looks like they got the D rolling.

QB: Peyton Manning
RB: Lendale White
RB: Deuce McAllister
WR: Santonio Holmes
WR: Jabar Gaffney
WR: Javon Walker
TE: Dallas Clark
K: Rob Bironas
D: Minnesota

Celt's Week 10 Lineup

For this week's crapshoot, we will try the following...

QB Chad Pennington
RB Brian Westbrook
RB Ronnie Brown
WR Anquan Boldin
WR Randy Moss
WR Steve Breaston
TE Tony Gonzalez
KI David Akers
Def Carolina Panthers

Angola Week 10 Full Lineup

QB Aaron Rodgers
RB Adrian Peterson
RB Michael Turner
WR Greg Camarillo
WR Lee Evans
WR Roddy White
TE Kellen Winslow
K Ryan Longwell
DEF Baltimore

Lynchburg JDs Week 10 lineup

QB: Kurt Warner
RB: Joseph Addai (dns - Jason Wright)
RB: DeAngelo Williams
WR: Isaac Bruce
WR: Hines Ward
WR: Brandon Marshall
TE: Todd Heap (dns - Randy McMichael)
K: Neil Rackers (dns - Mason Crosby)
Defense: Indianapolis

Dreamin Partial Lineup Wk 10

WR: Braylon "Lovin' the Quinn" Edwards

Horde Lineup - Week 10

QB - Donovan McNabb
RB - Matt Forte
RB - Tim Hightower
WR - Steve Smith
WR - Eddie Royal
WR - Torry Holt
TE - Antonio Gates
K - Matt Prater
DEF - Tennessee

Angola Week 10 Partial Lineup

TE Kellen Winslow

Wetbacks DFL Week 10 Lineup

Here it is, the game you have all been waiting for, the reason you are in this league. It's the preview of the Alamein Bowl! Bigcanov Whoopass vs. The New Sasabe Wetb - wait, what in the hell am I talking about?!? Alamein Bowl? Don't talk about the Alamein Bowl! Are you kidding me? Alamein Bowl?! I'm just hoping we can win a game!

But hey, one can dream, right? And this is "fantasy" football.

As a side note, we are still lamenting our 1 point loss to the JDs. Jason "Missin'" Witten has been given this week off to mend his pansy-ass ribs.

And now, the DFL Week 10 lineup for your New Sasabe Wetbacks:

QB - Drew Brees
RB1 - Marshawn Lynch
RB2 - Ryan Grant
WR1 - Jerricho Cotchery
WR2 - Matt Jones (DNP Bernard Berrian)
WR3 - Marques Colston
TE - Kevin Boss
K - Adam "El Golpeador" Vinatieri
DEF - New York J-E-T-S

Whoopass lineup - Week 10

I love Mexican food.

QB: Cutler
RB: F. Gore
RB: C. Johnson
WR: A. Johnson
WR: C. Johnson
WR: L. Coles
TE: Shockey (dns Olsen)
K: Gostkowski
D: Giants

You have got to be f-ing kidding me!!!

"Bears QB Kyle Orton suffered a ankle injury late in the second quarter when a defender tackled him and the leg seemed to bend the wrong way. He had to be carted off the field."

Rogers is doomed next week.

JackStomp Week 9 Lineup

We Suck.


QB: Marc Bulger
RB: Justin Fargas
RB: Stephen Jackson (DNS: Chester Taylor)
WR: Reggie Wayne
WR: Antwaan Randle-El
WR: Muhsin Muhammad
TE: Zach Miller
K: Brooke Hogan
D: Arizona

Lynchburg JDs Week 9 lineup

QB: Kurt Warner
RB: Joseph Addai (dns - Jason Wright)
RB: Jerious Norwood
WR: Terrell Owens
WR: Hines Ward
WR: Brandon Marshall
TE: Todd Heap
K: Mason Crosby
Defense: Indianapolis

Dreamin' Lineup Week 9 (mebbe?)

Its early. T..ired. Parties......Cos...cos...cosmos. Scribbled names on cocktail napkin. Lineup. Post with officials. blllehhh.... Firing Robin Williams...mayhbe..need mimosa.. Who we playin? Horde?! pfft them...I got 1.. 2.. 3.. 3.. 4.. 5.. 9 words for them. 9!! and when I remember 'em...I'll tell 'em. I know there was a "this" in the 10 words...

QB: Eli "Eliiiiiiii" Manning
RB: Fred "ACTION" Jackson
RB: Ricky "5 Burrito" Williams
WR: Plaxico "Plad..Plaxscv...Plax" Burress
WR: TJ "F*** his name isht too long drunk" Houshmanzadeh
WR: Braylon "that sisssthy guy" Edwards
TE: Cris "he'sss got realllly reallly really nith end! really nithe!" Cooley
PK: John "that one kicka guy, he's swedish or something" Carney (DNS Rian Lindell)
DF: Philadelphia "I don' remembrrrrr, do we still have phil..filaaaa..." Eagles

*Press Memo* We did the best we could with the cocktail napkin Ms. Barrymore handed us. We left the actual notes from Ms Barrymore in the posting so you, the public, could see the appalling situation that California Dreamin' managment has given in to.

Russian Lineup Week 9

...z....zzzzzz......what? Huh? What do you mean "you're still in the playoff hunt"? It's week 9 for God's sake, we lost---- oh. Really. Well, since we're playing with house money, bet it all!

QB --- Matthew Ryan
RB -- Steven Slaton
RB -- Raymond Rice
WR -- Laurence Fitzgerald
WR -- Gregory Jennings
WR -- Wesley Welker
TE -- OwenJarvus Daniels
K -- Robert Gould
D -- Packermen of Green Bay

Lineup for the rules-lawyering a-holes among us: :-)

QB - Matt Ryan
RB - Steve Slaton
RB - Ray Rice
WR - Larry Fitzgerald
WR - Greg Jennings
WR - Wes Welker
TE - Owen Daniels
K - Robbie Gould
D - Green Bay

Criminals week 9 lineup

Bleh all the 'Skins got hurt and have a bye week next week. Bad stretch for the Alameda Redskins.

QB: Jason Campbell
RB: Clinton Portis
RB: Lendale White
WR: Santana Moss DNS Patrick Crayton
WR: Santonio Holmes
WR: Javon Walker
TE: Dallas Clark
K: Rob Bironas
D: Minnesota

Angola Week 9 Lineup

QB Kyle Orton
RB Adrian Peterson (MIN)
RB Michael Turner
WR Lee Evans
WR DeSean Jackson (dns Devin Hester)
WR Roddy White
TE Kellen Winslow
PK Ryan Longwell
DEF Baltimore

Celt's Week 9 Lineup

QB Roethlisberger
RB Westbrook (dnp Buckhalter)
RB R. Brown
WR Boldin
WR Breaston
WR Moss
TE Gonzalez
KI Akers
DEF Tampa Bay

Wetbacks DFL Week 9 Lineup

It is not how you start the season, it's how you stay alive during the season...

And now, the DFL Week 8 lineup for your New Sasabe Wetbacks:

QB - David Garrard
RB1 - Marshawn Lynch
RB2 - Ryan Grant
WR1 - Jerricho Cotchery
WR2 - Bernard Berrian
WR3 - Matt Jones
TE - Jason Witten (DNS Martellus Bennett)
K - Matt "El Golpeador" Bryant
DEF - Jacksonville Jaguars

Whoopass lineup - Week 9

It is not how you start the season, it is how you finish.

QB: Cutler
RB: M. Barber
RB: C. Johnson
WR: A. Johnson
WR: C. Johnson
WR: L. Coles
TE: G. Olsen
K: Gostkowski
D: Bears

Horde Lineup - Week 9

QB - Donovan McNabb
RB - Matt Forte
RB - Earnest Graham
WR - Torry Holt
WR - Eddie Royal
WR - Kevin Walter
TE - Tony Scheffler
K - Matt Prater
DEF - Tennessee

Week 8 Russian Lineup

No, we're not sure what we're doing here, either.

QB - Phil Rivers
RB - Steve Slaton
RB - BenJarvus Green-Ellis
WR - Larry Fitzgerald
WR - Wes Welker
WR - Dwayne Bowe
TE - Owen Daniels
K - D'oh!
D - Dallas

Dreamin Lineup Week 8

How we was wishing we were in London watching the Saints game. Sigh. Deeper sigh. Coulda, woulda, shoulda.

The coaching staff had some issues with the lineup this week. We were divided and torn on some selections. And for you fans out there, there was torn clothing! So we settled matters with the all-knowing, all-seeing....Magic 8 Ball.

Thusly, I present to you all today the Dreamin Lineup:

QB: Jake "Feelin' Bad for Eli" Delhomme
RB: Thomas "Stumblin' Jones
RB: Pierre "That's Pierre" Thomas
WR: Plaxico "X in my name!" Burress DNP: TJ Houshmanzadeh
WR: Derrick "Ageless Wonder" Mason
WR: Braylon "Suck IT!" Edwards
TE: Cris "I stayed up to late watching baseball" Cooley
PK: Rian "Kicker" Lindell
DF: Philadelphia "Not Going NEAR that Pitt/NYG Game" Eagles

This may be subject to change before the start of games on Sunday. We got a little toasted and thought the Magic 8 Ball had liquor in it. Once we locate a NEW Magic 8 Ball, we will verify our choices. Arnie Help Us All!

~Love
Drew

Angola Week 8 Lineup

Carrying five QBs on a roster, might just be a sign of serious problems.

QB: Matt Cassel
RB: Jamal Lewis
RB: Michael Turner
WR: Lee Evans
WR: DeSean Jackson
WR: Roddy White
TE: Alex Smith
PK: Nick Folk
DEF: Baltimore

JackStomp Week 8 Lineup

QB: Marc Bulger
RB: LaDanian Tomlinson
RB: Stephen Jackson
WR: Reggie Wayne
WR: Muhsin Muhammad
WR: Antwaan Randle-El
TE: Zach Miller
K: Nate Kaeding
D: Oakland

Lynchburg JDs Week 8 lineup

QB: Kurt Warner
RB: Joseph Addai (dns - DeAngelo Williams)
RB: Jerious Norwood
WR: Terrell Owens
WR: Hines Ward
WR: Isaac Bruce
TE: Todd Heap
K: Neil Rackers
Defense: Indianapolis

Criminals Week 8 lineup

Well, damn, just found out Holmes is out because of weed.

QB: Jason Campbell
RB: Clinton Portis
RB: Lendale "Touchdown Machine" White
WR: Santana Moss
WR: Patrick Crayton
WR: Javon Walker
TE: Dallas Clark
K: Rob Bironas
D: Skins

Horde Lineup - Week 8

QB - Donovan McNabb
RB - Brandon Jacobs
RB - Willis McGahee
WR - Steve Smith
WR - Torry Holt
WR - Kevin Walter
TE - Antonio Gates
K - Jason Elam
DEF - Tennessee

Wetbacks DFL Week 8 Lineup

Ok, no fanfare this week. Let's see if not spewing snide asides and delivering rude comments has any positive kharmatic effect for this weeks' game.

And now, the DFL Week 8 lineup for your New Sasabe Wetbacks:

QB - Drew Brees
RB1 - Marshawn Lynch
RB2 - Kevin Smith
WR1 - Jerricho Cotchery
WR2 - Antonio Bryant
WR3 - Marques Colston
TE - Jason Witten
K - Matt "El Golpeador" Bryant
DEF - New York J-E-T-S

Celt's Week 8 Lineup

Just past the halfway point of the season and only 3 teams with winning records in the entire league.... amazing.

With their season sweep of the defending champs, the Celt's season is a success regardless of the remaining outcome. However, since the swiss-shit coagulated into something resembling a team roster, it looks like a high draft pick is eluding our grasp.

The new goal is to go rumblin', stumblin', bumblin' into a wildcard spot, then unleash another round of whip-ass on the Whoopass. (It's good to have goals, regardless of how unrealistic they are.)

To start our march into the wildcard, we will start the following lineup to attempt to be the stomper, instead of the stompee.

QB Ben McRoethlisberger
RB Brian McWestbrook (dnp Correll O'Buckhalter)
RB Ronnie McBrown
WR Randy McMoss
WR Anquan O'Boldin (dnp Josh McMorgan)
WR Steve McBreaston
TE Tony O'Gonzalez
KI Kris McBrown
DF Tampa Bay O'Bucs

Whoopass lineup - Week 8

Bye weeks can be rough.

QB: M. Schaub
RB: Barber
RB: Gore
WR: A. Johnson
WR: Calvin Johnson
WR: V. Jackson
TE: Shockey
K: Suisham
D: Giants

It's a sad day in in football when...

...the Joakland Raiders have the best defensive showing for the AFC Worst, er, uh West.

F'ing Broncos

Lear to play some damn DEFENSE!!!!!

I knew I've always had good reason to hate them.

Jackstomp Week 7 Lineup

QB: JaMarcus Russell
RB: LaDanian Tomlinson
RB: Stephen Jackson
WR: Reggie Wayne
WR: Muhsin Muhammad
WR: Antwaan Randle-El
TE: Zach Miller
K: Nate Kaeding
D: Oakland

Horde Lineup - Week 7

QB - Brett Favre
RB - Matt Forte
RB - Brandon Jacobs
WR - Steve Smith
WR - Kevin Walter
WR - Torry Holt
TE - Antonio Gates
K - Matt Prater
DEF - Tennessee

Dreamin' Lineup Week 7

Week 7? Already? Wow, how time flies when you have all these Hollywood parties to attend.

Well, the debut of our new coaches left a little something to be desired, but our defense did well, so Hillary gets some bonus points this week, plus some hellacious cosmopolitans on me!

Its Lynchburg time again. Well, we'll just treat them like we did the first week. I bet if we put cosmopolitans in front of the Lynchurg JD's, they might just keel over.

We also may have a first this week. I DNP'ed a kicker. Have we ever done that before in this league? Its f'ing crazy!

QB: Eli "On the Rebound" Manning
RB: Reggie "Trimmin' Kim's" Bush DNP Jonathan Stewart
RB: Thomas "I'm Now the Starter" Jones
WR: TJ "Starting Against My Own Defense" Houshmanzadeh DNP Derrick Mason
WR: Plaxico "I Like Cosmopolitans" Burress
WR: Braylon "More More More" Edwards
TE: Cris "TE Superb" Cooley
PK: John "Kicker" Carney DNP Rian Lindell
DF: Pittsburgh "F'ing!" Steelers

~Love
Drew

Angola Week 7

The Celts. Again? Already? They’re always a royal pain in my tokus. We enter this game against my nemesis bruised, battered, and scarred; and well remembering the thrashing we took a few weeks ago. This week, dealing with byes and the injury bug, I feel a need to seek divine assistance. So please, bow your heads and pray with me:

Purple Jesus, who art on the field
Adrian be thy Name
Thy line opens lanes
Thy yards be gained
On turf as it is on grass
Give us this our weekly TD’s
And forgive us our dropped passes
As we cheer those who drop passes against us.
And lead us not into turnovers
But deliver us a championship
[For thine is the kingdom,
and the power, and the glory,
for ever and ever.
Amen.]

Now here's this weeks lineup:

QB: Aaron "Not as hurt nor as old as the other QB's" Rodgers
RB: Adrian "Purple Jesus" Peterson
RB: Jamal "I can has touchdown?" Lewis
WR: Lee "Harvey" Evans
WR: Marvin "Old Man" Harrison
WR: Devin "This week I go deep" Hester
TE: Kellen "Junior" Winslow
PK: Nick "He's Good" Folk
DEF: San Diego "It's a formidable scent... It stings the nostrils." Defense

Week 7

Holy crap, we're only a game out of second place?!?

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

Alright, let's go get 'em!

QB - Phil Rivers
RB - Steve Slaton
RB - Willie Parker (DNS Darren McFadden)
WR - Greg Jennings
WR - Wes Welker
WR - Dwayne Bowe
TE - Heath Miller
K - Robbie Gould
D - Dallas

changing Defense to Denver

QB: Derek Andersen
RB: Joseph Addai
RB: DeAngelo Williams
WR: Terrell Owens
WR: Hines Ward
WR: Brandon Marshall
TE: Todd Heap
K: Mason Crosby
Defense: Denver

Lynchburg JDs Week 7 lineup

QB: Derek Andersen
RB: Joseph Addai
RB: DeAngelo Williams
WR: Terrell Owens
WR: Hines Ward
WR: Brandon Marshall
TE: Todd Heap
K: Mason Crosby
Defense: Indianapolis

Criminals week 7 lineup

QB: Peyton Manning
RB: Clinton Portis DNS Deuce Mcallister
RB: Lendale White
WR: Santana Moss
WR: Santonio Holmes
WR: Patrick Crayton
TE: Dallas Clark
K: Rob Bironas
D: Minnesota

Celt's Week 7 lineup

Aahhh, the rematch w/ the reigning champs....

Wonder if they're still sore from the Week 2 spankin' they suffered?....

I guess my team has moved on from being Swiss-shit, and is now in the full throes of bi-polar disorder. I have no other way to explain a winning record against the top 2 Rommel teams and losing to everyone else.

(I know, I know... it's a split w/ Bigcan, but hey, It's My Bubble, don't be breakin' it!!!)

Oh well, at least I haven't completely trashed my '09 draft placement,... yet.

Let's see whether my boys come out as manic high, or manic low...


QB Ben "I think I can" Roethlisberger
RB Ronnie "Got Ricky's stash" Brown
RB Sammy "I miss the security of the bench" Brown
WR Randy "Gimme the da%# ball!!" Moss
WR Ike "Where's my walker?" Hilliard
WR Bryant "Where's my hands?" Johnson
TE Tony "I'm da man" Gonzalez
KI Kris "How'd I get here?" Brown
Def Tampa "Carrying the team" Bay

Wetbacks DFL Week 7 Lineup

There once was a team from Alameda,
A rugged football organization.
Los criminales every one of them,
But without a fan in their nation.

It begins with the owner Al,
The animated dead are real.
Only problem is that he's an idgit,
With no sense of taste, smell, hearing or feel.

What bad can you say about The Snake?
The guy's a freakin' legend.
Well, you could say he's an overrated gray-hair,
Whose career hit a dead-end.

Then there's Plunkett,
The white man with a Jeri Curl.
Who dreams of one day,
Being bare naked with a girl!*

So welcome to New Sasabe!
We are so glad you could make it!
Please feel free to play badly,
And as usual, please feel free to fake it.


(*Thanks to Jim Carrey for this wonderful line as The Riddler from Batman Forever.)


And now, the DFL Week 7 lineup for your New Sasabe Wetbacks:

QB - Drew Brees
RB1 - Marshawn Lynch
RB2 - Ryan Grant
WR1 - Jerricho Cotchery
WR2 - Bernard Berrian
WR3 - Marques Colston (dns Lance Moore)
TE - Jason Witten
K - Adam "El Golpeador" Vinatieri
DEF - New York J-E-T-S

Whoopass lineup - Week 7

Need more Johnsons on my team.

QB: Cutler
RB: Barber
RB: C. Johnson
WR: A. Johnson
WR: C. Johnson
WR: L. Coles
TE: G. Olsen
K: Gostkowski
D: Giants

Horde Lineup - Week 6

QB - Brett Favre
RB - Matt Forte
RB - Brndon Jacobs
WR - Steve Smith
WR - Kevin Walter
WR - Torry Holt
TE - Antonio Gates
K- Matt Prater
DEF - Carolina

Russian Lineup

QB - Phil Rivers
RB- Steve Slaton
RB - Darren McFadden
WR - Larry Fitzgerald
WR - Greg Jennings
WR - Wes Welker
TE - Owen Daniels
K - Robbie Gould
D - Green Bay

Dreamin Lineup Week 6 +

Its been an exciting week here, with lots of energy around the new coaches. And it was one great big ass huge party last night to celebrate the firings and hirings.
So, in a party morning after hangover, with the cureall in hand, I would like to present you with this weeks Dreamin lineup. Who are we playing again this week...?

QB: Eli "I Got the Plax Man Back" Manning
RB: Reggie "Trimmin' Kim's" Bush
RB: Jonathan "Rookie" Stewart
WR: Plaxico "Not a Bus Driver" Burress
WR: TJ "No Name To Insert Here" Houshmanzadeh
WR: Derrick "I Ate Braylon" Mason
TE: Cris "More Please" Cooley
PK: John "Kicker" Carney
DF: Philadelphia "Sacking JT Again" Eagles

~love
Drew

JackStomp Week 6 Lineup

QB: JaMarcus Russell
RB: Stephen Jackson
RB: LaDanian Tomlinson
WR: Reggie Wayne
WR: Muhsin Muhammad
WR: Antwaan Randle-El
TE: Zach Miller
K: Nate Kaeding
D: Arizona

Angola Week 6 Lineup

No frills, no nicknames.


QB: Tony Romo
RB: Adrian Peterson
RB: Michael Turner
WR: Devin Hester
WR: DeSean Jackson
WR: Roddy White
TE: Visanthe Shiancoe
PK: Nick Folk
DEF: San Diego

Celt's Week 6 Lineup

Wow.... could it get any worse?!?!

QB C Pennington
RB R Brown
RB C Buckhalter
WR R Moss
WR S Breaston
WR I Hilliard
TE D Keller
KI D Akers
DF Tampa Bay

Maybe we can keep it closer than losing by the 60 points we did in week 1.... but, I doubt it.

Criminals Week 6 Lineup

Now for a seriously all-Skins lineup for everybody's favorite week, vs. St. Louis week.

QB: Jason Campbell
RB: Clinton Portis
RB: Fred Taylor
WR: Santana Moss
WR: Patrick Crayton
WR: Javon Walker
TE: Dallas Clark
K: Matt Stover
D: Skins

Wetbacks DFL Week 6 Lineup

We in the Wetbacks organization would love to regale you all with humorous put-downs about the Nomadic Mongol Horde. For example, their questionable bathing techniques or stories about how they contracted Herpes Simplex 14 from Mamacita's. We would like to dish the dirt, as it were, about the time when good 'ol Ghenghis partied hearty with the bad-boys from New Kids on the Block.

However, we are above making such statements.

So in the view of good sportsmanship, we would like to welcome the Nomadic Mongol Horde to Cruzar la Frontera Stadium and extend free physician visits to all the players that require medical attention for their ailments (ala Mamacita's).

(Note: It's not a good thing when it burns when you urinate.)


And now, the DFL Week 6 lineup for your New Sasabe Wetbacks:

QB - Drew Brees
RB1 - Le’Ron McClain
RB2 - Ryan Grant
WR1 - Jerricho Cotchery
WR2 - Bernard Berrian
WR3 - Lance Moore
TE - Jason Witten
K - Taylor "El Golpeador" Mehlhaff
DEF - New York J-E-T-S

Lynchburg JDs Week 6 lineup

QB: Kurt Warner
RB: Joseph Addai
RB: Jerious Norwood
WR: Terrell Owens
WR: Isaac Bruce
WR: Brandon Marshall
TE: Todd Heap
K: Neil Rackers
Defense: Indianapolis

Whoopass lineup - Week 6

Trap game.

QB: Cutler
RB: Barber
RB: Gore
WR: A. Johnson
WR: L. Coles
WR: C. Johnson
TE: Olsen
K: Gostkowski
D: Bears

Changes to the Coaching Staff

Good evening ladies and gentlemen

Tonight I have the unfortunate, and also, privilege to announce some changes to the coaching staff for your California Dreamin'.

First, I want to thank our fans and financiers for all the support over all the years. Without you, there would be no Dreamin'.

Now, we, the Dreamin', to regret to say goodbye to the following coaches:

1. Leah Remini, Linebackers Coach. She took on some non-football related tasks, and decided that the focus should be on those.

2. Maria Bello, Running Backs Coach. She and the current crop of RB's have not been seeing eye-to-eye (and can you blame them?!) and has decided that she needed to move on to other tasks in her personal life.

Now, we also have their replacements, plus one new hire, that of the Secondary Coach.

With highest regard, we have hired Hillary Will for that position. She is new to coaching, but has been picking up the tricks and tips quite quickly. And besides, as an NHRA driver, she is used to speed, and is ramping up the secondary for some high octane.

Our new Linebackers Coach is Zooey Deschanel. She had some time off, knows how to shove people around, and wanted a crack at the position. Granted!

And lastly, for the Running Backs Coach, Eliza Dushku is on board. Her current work status has allowed her to take this role, and as she is used to running around a helluva lot during her work in the business, we thought this would be a great fit for her.

Everyone, please welcome our NEW members to the coaching staff, and please note that the party will commence at the Hollywood Bowl for our outgoing and incoming members. Booze and Babes all around!!

Thank you all

~Love
Drew

Lynchburg JDs Week 5 lineup

Lynchburg JDs Week 5 lineup:

QB: Kurt Warner
RB: Joseph Addai
RB: Jerious Norwood
WR: Terrell Owens
WR: Hines Ward
WR: Brandon Marshall
TE: Randy McMichael
K: Neil Rackers
Defense: Indianapolis

Russian Lineup Week 5

0-13! 0-13! 0-13!

QB - Phil Rivers
RB - Steve Slaton
RB - Willie Parker (DNS Laurence Maroney)
WR - Larry Fitzgerald
WR - Greg Jennings
WR - Wes Welker
TE - Heath Miller
K - Robbie Gould
D - Dallas

Angola Week 5

No special entry, just a lineup. The staff has been too busy trying to come up with a gameplan to slow down this juggernaut that is Bigcanov.

QB: Tony "Smilin' Assassin" Romo
RB: Adrian "Purple Jesus" Peterson
RB: Michael "The Burner" Turner
WR: Deion "Hoping the Knee is Good" Branch (dns "Rowdy" Roddy White)
WR: Lee "Harvey" Evans
WR: DeSean "DeRookie" Jackson
TE: Vernon "I Can Has Start?" Davis
PK: Nick "He's Good" Folk
DEF: Buffalo "I'm gonna punch you in the ovary, that's what I'm gonna do." Defense

JackStomp Week 5 Lineup

ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL!!!

Hello there all you little Hulkamaniacs! It looks like this sorry ass team has a little fight in them. It's about friggin time that LT sucked it up and forgot about that little piggy injury and Jackson found the end-zone just in time for bye week. Maybe I don't have to play Brooke yet....


QB: Matt Hasselbeck
RB: LaDanian Tomlinson
RB: Darren Sproles
WR: Reggie Wayne
WR: Robert Meachem
WR: Muhsin Muhammad
TE: Alge Crumpler
K: Nate Kaeding
D: Arizona

Horde Lineup - Week 5

QB - Donovan McNabb
RB - Matt Forte
RB - Earnest Graham
WR - Eddie Royal
WR - Steve Smith
WR - Kevin Walter
TE - Antonio Gates
K - Matt Prater
DEF - Tennessee

Dreamin Lineup Week 5 +

And the Dreamin' staff would like to thank everyone for a wonderful time travelling across the Pacific, and across the Atlantic. Many new friends, new places found, and lots of time to think strategy. HA, just kidding. Who needs strategy!

We have a hole in our coaching staff. We have still been hunting a Secondary Coach. We have narrowed the list down to two persons. That hiring should be coming this upcoming week, once we work out the...technical difficulties.

Now, we have a game this week against the "formidable" Wetbacks. And as in formidable, I do mean the trash cleanup required after the game. And, also Mr. Cheech, please remind your fans and players that the outhouses provided are NOT motels. Absolutely disgusting!

And also, I would like to thank Mort for his assistance in providing lineups. We gave him a generous bonus in cash for his role.

Lastly, the lineup for this week.

QB: Eli "Keepin' it Real" Manning
RB: Jonathan "TD with no yardage" Stewart
RB: Reggie "Trimmin' Kim's" Bush
WR: Brandon "Hey, I"m Open" Lloyd
WR: TJ "My Name is Long Enough" Houshmanzadeh
WR: Derrick "Old Man" Mason
TE: Cris "Lovin' the Zorn Offense" Cooley
PK: John "Kicker" Carney
DF: Philadelphia "Lovin' the Zorn Offense" Eagles

Thank you
~Love
Drew

Celt's Week 5 Lineup

Aahhh, the Futility Bowl has arrived.

We are petitioning the Commish to rename this the Toilet Bowl because:
a) That is where Swiss-shit (aka the Celt's roster) belongs, and
b) It's where Russia is used to being.

No word yet on a decision.

At least my one saving grace this year has already occurred, beating the snot out of Angola. Although the potential of giving Russia their first win of the season will erase any lingering enjoyment of that accomplishment.

Even if we win, it doesn't mean anything.

I would like to spout positive prognostications about the Celt's turning their season around after the bye weeks (and injuries) are over, but let's get real, our best hope of a .500 season is good bye week matchups against the others.

The handle has been pulled, the water is swirling, and the season is following it down the drain... we'll wave "hi" to the Revolution, JD's and Criminals as we pass them by...

For this week's drive to the '09 #1 draft pick, we'll try the following:

QB Roethlisberger (dnp Pennington)
RB Westbrook (dnp Buckhalter)
RB Jones
WR Moss
WR Henderson
WR Breaston
TE Gonzalez
KI Akers
DF Seattle

p.s. - any bets on how long it takes California to add Joey to their roster?? I'm sure the ladies are getting lonely....

Wetbacks DFL Week 5 Lineup

The following is an entry from the personal journal of Cheech Marin ~

New Sasabe Wetbacks vs. California Dreamin', Round 1

*ding, ding*

Ah, it's always been good for me to come to California. It's where I am from (East Los, orrale), but these weirdos they have in Hollywood scare me. Sure, I've been around (and done) some bad shit, seen things that no human should ever see, but these Dreamers, ¡Jesucristo! There's less plastic on a Barbie doll.

And let's take a look at the "winning" record for Cali. Through the first four games, they have faced Alameda, The Horde, Lynchburg, and the Rev, teams with a combined 5-11 record. Now, let's take out the fact that The Horde is 3-1. This leaves the California Dreamin' with 3 "impressive" wins over teams with a combined record of 2-10. 2. AND. 10. So really, what has Cali proven other than they can lose to good teams and win against hopeless ones? Sorry, no impression left here.

The New Sasabe Wetbacks have outscored Cali by 52 points (overall). This fact cannot be denied. Studs all around, baby. As far as points go, let's delve a little further. When looking at our common games (Horde, JDs, Russia), The Dreamin' have scored 248 points and have allowed 239 points. The Wetbacks have scored 269 points and have allowed 208 points. This means that New Sasabe has scored 21 more points so far and allowed 31 less points. Very nice.

And what, pray tell, do all these calculations and impressive stats mean?

That we'll lose.



And now, the DFL Week 5 lineup for your New Sasabe Wetbacks:

QB - Drew Brees
RB1 - Marshawn Lynch
RB2 - Ryan Grant
WR1 - Chris Chambers
WR2 - Lance Moore
WR3 - Amani Toomer
TE - Jason Witten
K - Jason "El Golpeador" Hanson
DEF - Baltimore

Criminals Week 5 lineup

Did I not give the most brilliant coach-firing press conference of all time? "Weeks, and months, and a year, and time..." Amazing.

QB: Peyton Manning
RB: Clinton Portis
RB: Fred Taylor
WR: Santana Moss
WR: Patrick Crayton
WR: Santonio Holmes DNS Jabar Gaffney
TE: Dallas Clark
K: Rob Bironas
D: Minnesota

Whoopass lineup - Week 5

Serious early season matchup. We'll see if we can stay on the roll.

QB: Cutler
RB: Barber
RB: Gore
WR: Andre Johnson
WR: Calvin Johnson
WR: Vincent Jackson
TE: G. Olsen
K: Gostkowski
D: Chicago

Lynchburg JDs Week 4 lineup

QB: Kurt Warner
RB: DeAngelo Williams
RB: Jerious Norwood
WR: Terrell Owens
WR: Hines Ward
WR: Brandon Marshall
TE: Randy McMichael
K: Neil Rackers
Defense: Denver

JackStomp Week 4 Lineup

Week 4. Last place in the Rommel Division. 2nd worst record, but worst point total. Those friggin Russians score more than us.

All the prognosticators said that the two running backs I have are "Studs".... studs.... On their capable backs alone we should be able to atleast outscore the Criminals! No. Not the case.

To top it off, My #1 QB is on Bye, and my #2 is benched. I am left to start my #3 QB against one of the best D's in the league... not good.

I fear that Russia and The JackStomp will be competing for the #1 pick again... assuming one of us are not stupid enough to trade the fucking pick to Angola!

Come get some Celts!!!!

QB: JaMarcus Russell
RB: LaDanian Tomlinson
RB: Stephen Jackson
WR: Donald Driver
WR: Muhsin Muhammad
WR: Robert Meachem
TE: Zach Miller
K: Nate Kaeding
D: Arizona

Horde Lineup - Week 4

QB - Trent Edwards
RB - Matt Forte
RB - Earnest Graham
WR - Steve Smith
WR - Torry Holt
WR - Eddie Royal
TE - Tony Scheffler
K - Matt Prater
DEF - Tennessee

The Road To 0-13 Reaches The Quarter-Mile Marker

You know it's bad when you realize that over the last 8 years you've probably had to write two dozen posts that start with "Until we win a game, we're going to..." .

Instead, with a laser-like focus on an 0-13 season, we are going to let our lineup do the talking for us.

QB - Phil Rivers
RB - Darren McFadden
RB - Steve Slaton
WR - Larry Fitzgerald
WR - Greg Jennings
WR - Dwayne Bowe
TE - Heath Miller
K - Robbie Gould
D - Green Bay

Angola Week 4

Its well known that fans showing up to Wetback's games are only there for the cheap alcohol, the discount coupons to Mamacita's, or simply to cheer for the visiting team.

So to honor the fans, the Playahs have their nicknames in Spanish.


QB: Tony "Asesino Sonriente" Romo
RB: Adrian "Jesús Púrpura" Peterson (DNS Larry Johnson)
RB: Michael "La Hornilla" Turner
WR: Lee "Harvey" Evans
WR: DeSean "DeNovato" Jackson
WR: Chad "Eight Five" Johnson
TE: Kellen "Menor" Winslow
PK: Nick "Pequenito Poco" Folk
DEF: Buffalo "el 60% del tiempo, trabaja cada vez" Defense

Criminals week 4 lineup

Let's see if this all-'Skins team fails miserably in Dallas.

QB: Jason Campbell
RB: Clinton Portis
RB: Fred Taylor
WR: Santana Moss
WR: Santonio "Horrendous" Holmes
WR: DJ Hackett
TE: Bo Scaife
K: Rob Bironas
D: Minnesota

Celt's Week 4 Lineup

Q: What's black and full of holes?

A: Swiss shit.

Aaahhh... to try and navigate the swiss-shit that has become the Celt's roster.... who's healthy, who's worth the risk and why the hell do we even bother?

Fair warning to the Jackstomp; beware the sticky mess that will result from their stomping.

On to the misery...

QB Brian "Lord help me" Griese
RB Brian "Ouch, that hurts" Westbrook (DNP Chris Perry)
RB Correll "I got yo back" Buckkhalter
WR Anquan "Money talks" Boldin
WR Hank "Gimme da ball" Baskett
WR Donte "You gotta be kidding me" Stallworth (DNP Bryant Johnson)
TE Tony "The Man" Gonzalez
KI Josh "Busy B" Brown
DF Tampa Bay "Beg-anneers"

Here's hopin' for a miracle...

The_Chad

Wetbacks DFL Week 4 Lineup

NEW SASABE, MEXICO - After last weeks drubbing of the JDs, head coach Cheech Marin threw a victory siesta at his New Sasabe hacienda for the team. He presented the game ball to JT "Brotha From Anothah Motha" O'Sullivan for his performance. O'Sullivan was quick to point out that without the stifling defense, his performance would have been for nada. He then re-presented the game ball to the defense, and then told Ed Reed to "take it and run" (which he did last week for 6 pts.).

Back in the saddle this week is stud QB Drew "They Call Me The" Brees, who was pleasantly surprised to find out that the Wetbacks have added previous teammate Lance "Porn Star Name" Moore to the roster. "Nice." was all that Brees said.

An anonymous letter (written on 1-ply toilet paper) was received at the New Sasabe secretariat this week threatening pipe-bomb and plastic-fork-shank strikes on the Wetbacks players, and so security around Cruzar la Frontera Stadium has been beefed up. For the impending arrival of the Angola Pen Playahs, security has been increased in consultation with stadium authorities. Security personnel (read: rent-a-cops) have been deployed. Door frame metal detectors and CCTVs have been installed at various positions throughout the stadium grounds. Besides New Sasabe Police, several volunteers (read: transients and roach coach vendors) have been enlisted to keep a strict vigil (read: stay awake) in the stadium premises before, during, and after the game. These security measures will stay in place until the Playahs have left the New Sasabe / Mexico border.


And now the DFL Week 3 lineup for your New Sasabe Wetbacks:

QB - Drew Brees
RB1 - Marshawn Lynch
RB2 - Ryan Grant
WR1 - Jerricho Cotchery
WR2 - Chris Chambers
WR3 - Lance Moore
TE - Jason Witten
K - Phil "El Golpeador" Dawson
DEF - Jacksonville

Whoopass lineup - Week 4

2 Words for you all - Jugger. Naut.

QB: Cutler
RB: Barber
RB: Gore
WR: A. Johnson
WR: L. Coles
WR: V. Jackson
TE: G. Olsen
K: Suisham
D: Bears

Lynchburg JDs Week 3 lineup

With an ever sounding "Bragging Rights" to last weeks pick without a Defense, I bring you the almighty 3rd week lineup:
Drink up boys, were play'n the wetbacks again.

QB: Kurt Warner
RB: Joseph Addai
RB: Jerious Norwood
WR: Terrell Owens
WR: Hines Ward
WR: Brandon Marshall and if he DNS, Isaac Bruce
TE: Randy McMichael
K: Neil Rackers
Defense: Indianapolis

JackStomp Week 3 Lineup

This is so familiar. High draft picks not doing SHIT! Who wants LT? Any takers???? I am about to send his ass to that same shit hole prision the New Sasabe burrito vendor got sent to. Maybe the ass-raping will take his mind of his fucking toe!!!!! RUN THE BALL YOU FUCKTARD!!!!

QB: Matt Hasselbeck
RB: LaDanian Tomlinson
RB: Stephen Jackson
WR: Reggie Wayne
WR: Donald Driver
WR: Antwaan Randle-El
TE: Zach Miller
K: Nate Kaeding
D: Arizona

Don't laugh Jackson... you're next if you don't pull your head out of your ass!!!!

Angola Lineup Week 3

Hoping to rebound, here we go...


QB: Tony "Smilin' Assassin" Romo
RB: Adrian "Purple Jesus" Peterson (DNP Larry Johnson)
RB: Michael "The Burner" Turner
WR: Lee "Harvey" Evans
WR: DeSean "DeDumbass" Jackson
WR: "Rowdy" Roddy White
TE: Kellen "Junior" Winslow
PK: Nick "He's good" Folk
DEF: Buffalo "I love lamp" Defense

Dreamin Week 3 Lineup, by Mort

Hi again. Mort here. I just got off 2nd shift, and I put this together with another friend of mine, TJ. TJ is a nice gal, but she prefers hockey, so we did our best on this. Besides we were um, kinda busy.

QB: Eli Manning
RB: Reggie "Trimmin Kims" Bush
RB: Jonathan Stewart
WR: TJ "Hush Guy" Houshmanzadeh
WR: Plaxico Burress
WR: Braylon Edwards DNP:Derrick Mason
TE: Cris Cooley
PK: Puxatawney Phil Dawson
DF: New England Patriots

Criminals week 3 lineup

Peyton is starting to look, how-you-say, washed up.

QB: Peyton Manning
RB: Clinton Portis
RB: Lendale White
WR: Santana Moss
WR: Santonio Holmes
WR: Patrick Crayton
TE: Dallas Clark
K: Rob Bironas
D: Minnesota

Russian Week 3 Lineup Featuring "Brother" Jon Kitna!

That's right, the born-again Russian QB now has his own action figure!



Er, moving on:

QB - Brother Jon Kitna
RB - Darren McFadden
RB - Willie Parker
WR - Larry Fitzgerald
WR - Greg Jennings
WR - Wes Welker
TE - Heath Miller
K - Robbie Gould
D - Dallas

Wetbacks DFL Week 3 Lineup

NEW SASABE, MEXICO - This Sunday, the Wetbacks welcome the Lynchburg JDs in yet another chapter of the Liquor Bowl. In past years, alcohol has been replaced at Cruzar la Frontera Stadium with soft drinks and water for this game, however things have changed due to fan complaints. "I could nefer eenjoy American futbol without many cervezas and tequilas," wrote Diego Jose Francisco de Paula Juan Nepomuceno Maria de los Remedios Cipriano de la Santisima Trinidad Martyr Patricio Clito Ruiz, a longtime Wetbacks fan. Thousands of such sentiments have been received by the Wetbacks organization via NSMS (New Sasabe Mail Service), email, and numerous bomb threats.

Alcohol will be made available 3 hours before and during the game inside the stadium, as well as after the game "until the kegs are dry." The visitor's locker room, however, will be left drier than a corn chip in a sandstorm. When questioned bout this, Wetbacks Information Minister Ron Jeremy explained to reporters that the Wetbacks organization would not pay for, nor supply, a team that has so many missing teeth with additional alcohol, seeing that they will most likely bring vats of sour mash whiskey along with them.

In other news, New Sasabe authorities have arrested Martin Gonzales de Barrabas Manera Demasiados Apellidos Cortez Jose Salazar y Chavez, a local roach-coach owner, for writing disparaging remarks about the Wetbacks. Chavez, who goes by the chick-magnet 'Net-handle "Magnolia Fan", recently posted written depictions of a graphic sexual nature pertaining to the Wetbacks. Former Jamaican drug-runner and current New Sasabe District Court Judge Bongo Scratch has set bail at 1,000,000 pesos ($94,103 USD). Chavez is currently being held in El Cárcel Prison with burrito and carne asada privileges suspended until sentencing.


And now the DFL Week 3 lineup for your New Sasabe Wetbacks:

QB - J.T. O’Sullivan
RB1 - Marshawn Lynch
RB2 - Kevin Smith
WR1 - Jerricho Cotchery
WR2 - Chris Chambers
WR3 - Amani Toomer
TE - Jason Witten
K - Jason "El Golpeador" Hanson
DEF - Baltimore

Whoopass Lineup - Week 3

Stearns County - Lake Wobegon and its environs are excited to welcome in the great, unwashed Horde to Stearns County Stadium this week. The ladies from the Blue Haired Friends with Benefits club sent early invites to the Horde in an effort to roll out the Welcome Wagon for the team. The Wagon was literally rolling (and rocking) outside the stadium, but the line that had formed outside the Wagon didn't seem to include any Horde members. We'll see how the Stearns County hospitality sits with the Mongols.

QB: Cutler
RB: Frank Gore
RB: Marion Barber
WR: A. Johnson
WR: C. Johnson
WR: V. Jackson
TE: Shockey
K: Gostkowski
D: Bears

To Magnolia Fan

Please check the the last 7 seasons in the DFL of the Russian Revolution for worst team ever.

~Love

Drew

Um, this might be helpful to you.

http://www.angermgmt.com/

Fuck Them Up Their Stupid Asses

The New Sasabe Wetbacks are the worst football team I have ever seen. Grant and Cotchery are stupid players, a couple of boners who spurt dumbass yards-per-carry/catch averages like a third rate Barry Sanders or Jerry Rice. Fuck The New Sasabe Wetbacks. Fuck them up their stupid asses.

~Magnolia Fan

Horde Lineup - Week 2

QB - Donovan McNabb
RB - Brandon Jacobs
RB - Earnest Graham
WR - Roy Williams
WR - Eddie Royal - dns Torry Holt
WR - David Patten
TE - Antonio Gates - dns Tony Scheffler
K - Kris Brown
DEF - Tennessee

Dreamin' Week 2 Lineup

"Ladies and gentlemen of the press, please, please be calm and seated. The Dreamin' staff has now fully recovered from their transatlantic tour, and have had time to study the players on the team. We made some non-stellar playcalls last week, which led to a a home loss. But, why think of football today? The Dreamin staff is off to the South Pacific next week, so we are all focused on that with little time for lineups or coaching, or even travelling with the team. So, without further ado, I'd like to hand over the lineup duties to our very capable, and multi lingual, corner Circle K clerk."

~Love, Drew

And now um, some gals in tight fitting leather and pretty colored hair clips asked me to look at this list and see who might put up some points for something called fantasy football. I asked my friend Lleweyen who does some of that, so he helped me put this together.

QB: Eli "Outperforming my Brother so far" Manning
RB: Thomas "Too Tall" Jones
RB: Reggie "Trims Kims" Bush
WR: TJ "Housh...Housh..." Houshmanzadeh
WR: Plaxico "Laxico" Burress
WR: Braylon "In a Can" Edwards
TE: Cris "Waving the Zorn Flag" Cooley
PK: Phil "Kicker" Dawson
DF: Pittsburgh "Schmeleand" Steelers

Uh, thank you. My name is Mort. And I want to say hey to my friend Lleweyen for helping me with this. And my other friend Nick. He dun brought me and Lleweyen a coke late last night while trying to figure out how to pronounce Houshmanzadeh.

Angola Week 2

Drunk is no way to write a post son...

QB: Tony "Smilin' Assassin" Romo
RB: Adrian "Purple Jesus" Peterson
RB: Larry "Raidah Stompin'" Johnson
WR: Lee "Harvey" Evans
WR: Marvin "Old Man" Harrison
WR: DeSean "DeAction" Jackson
TE: Kellen "Junior" Winslow
PK: Nick "He's a Kickin' Fool" Folk
DEF: Buffalo "I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks" Defense

Team JackStomp Week 2 Lineup

Another team chock full of underachievers... WTF! But somehow we managed a win last week. I wonder if the scoreboard operators were sauced up as badly as the JD's were. Must have been, because when the AZ D is the highest scoring player on the team you know something aint right.... WTF!!!


QB: Matt "Rogaine" Hasselbeck
RB: LaDanian "My Toe Hurts" Tomlinson
RB: Stephen "I'm a little farie like Michael" Jackson
WR: Reggie "WTF Happened" Wayne
WR: Antwaan "Garbage Time" Randle-El
WR: Donald "I Miss Brett" Driver
TE: Zach "The Other, Other, Other White Meat" Miller
D: Arizona "I wish we could play San Fran every week" Defense
K: Nate "LT's Toe Hurts" Kaeding


Bring it, BigCan!!!!

Lynchburg JDs Week 2 lineup

Coach, I told'm, more points not pints.
a little change will stir'm up.

QB: Kurt Warner
RB: Joseph Addai
RB: Jerious Norwood
WR: Terrell Owens
WR: Hines Ward
WR: Brandon Marshall
TE: Randy McMichael
K: Neil Rackers

Celt's Week 2 Lineup

After a 3 week tour of North America, we are back home with enough time to (hopefully) post a competitive lineup.
My apologies to Bigcanov for not being able to round up a competitive roster for last week's game, but hey, everyone can use a pre-season game once in a while.

For this week's venture into futility, we will start the following:

QB Ben Roethlisberger
RB Brian Westbrook
RB Julius Jones
WR Randy Moss
WR Anquan Boldin
WR Bryant Johnson
TE Tony Gonzalez
KI David Akers
DF Seattle


Hopefully not "Preseason, Week 2" instead.

C

Criminals Week 2 lineup

Awesome game last week. Holy effing crap. Yet again I pick an overrated piece-of-garbage defense. Big fat zero out of the Minnesota D? Fantastic.

QB: Peyton Manning
RB: Clinton Portis
RB: Lendale White
WR: Santana Moss
WR: Santonio Holmes
WR: Patrick Crayton
TE: Dallas Clark DNS Bo Scaife
K: Rob Bironas
D: Redskins

Whoopass lineup - Week 2 (revised)

Stearns County - A near riot ensued when Coach Noir posted his lineup for Week 2 of the DFL season, starting the Chicago freaking Bears on Defense. As the windows of his car were being pelted with spam, and some of it still inside the can, Noir said "This is effing Minnesota. We hate the effing Bears. What was I thinking?" The spam tossing dropped to a lower rate upon his announcement that a change would be made in the lineup.

In an unrelated note, the Blessed Church of the Vestigal Virgin is hosting a special Sunday "Breakfast on the Lawn", featuring all the eggs, pancakes, and spammed hash you can eat for $2.99. All are welcome.

QB: Cutler
RB: Gore
RB: Barber
WR: A. Johnson
WR: C. Johnson
WR: L. Coles
TE: Shockey
K: Gostkowski
D: GIANTS

Wetbacks DFL Week 2 Lineup

We really enjoyed having that first win last week, albeit it an empty one (but a dubya is a dubya). Unfortunately, we invade The Steppes this week to face our always-seem-to-destroy-our-season nemesis, The Nomadic Mongol Horde. If "Old Man" McNabb has another Superman-like performance, things could go bad for us in a hurry. One can only hope for a below average, stone-handed, blind, deaf, and dumb Torry Holt performance by the Mongols in general.

In other news, we have sent Marques "Namby Pamby" Colston to Super Weenie General Hospital so he can rehab his poor yittle thumby-wumby. Reportedly, the therapy involves using his deep rectal area for thumb massage.

Wuss.


And now the DFL Week 2 lineup for your New Sasabe Wetbacks:

QB - Drew Brees
RB1 - Ryan Grant
RB2 - Marshawn Lynch
WR1 - Jerricho Cotchery
WR2 - Chris Chambers
WR3 - Bernard Berrian
TE - Jason Witten
K - Adam "El Golpeador" Vinatieri
DEF - Jacksonville

Russian Lineup , Wk 2 + A Rant

Oh, look at that. We lost last week. Gee, none of us could see that coming. 0-1! We've started down the road to perfection, and the first step has been taken!

The only saving grace is that the usual Russian Bad Luck Regarding First Round Picks™ was transferred to Angola along with Russia's first-rounder, as Tom Brady was carried off the field screaming.

And you know what? Good. I don't care if it's insensitive, or mean, or whatever. Those douchebag Patriots fans can suck it. Too bad a bazillionaire is going to have to not --- horror! --- play football this year and stay home screwing his supermodel girlfriend. Boo-fucking-hoo. Belichick and his toadies can suffer in mediocrity like the rest of the league now, and maybe after three weeks of Matt Cassel the national media will stop shoving New Fucking England down our throats week after week. So yeah, I'm happy I don't have to hear anymore this year about St. Thomas of Brady. In fact, I think I'll buy me one of these:




Boy that felt good.

QB --- Brother Jon Kitna
RB --- Willie Parker
RB --- Laurence Maroney
WR --- Larry Fitzgerald
WR --- Greg Jennings
WR --- Dwayne Bowe
TE ---- Heath Miller
K------ Robbie Gould
D ----- Green Bay

Whoopass Lineup - Week 2

QB: Cutler
RB: Gore
RB: Barber
WR: A. Johnson
WR: C. Johnson
WR: L. Coles
TE: Shockey
K: Gostkowski
D: Bears

Bittersweet Start to Season

By Tyrone "Tookie" Samuels

Angola Free Press
Angola, LA – A solid start to the season as the Playahs rolled over perennial league doormat and cross-country rival Alameda, 137 to 63. Angola’s ground game was hitting on all cylinders, lead by Michael Turner’s sensational 220 yards and two TD’s. QB Tony Romo was workman like, spreading the ball around, and hitting favorite targets like Kellen Winslow Jr five times for 47 yards and a TD. Another solid performance was turned in by wideout Nate Burleson, with five catches for 60 yards and a TD. But Burleson succumbed to a knee injury late in the game that will cause him to miss the rest of the season. Word is that the club reached an injury settlement with him, cut him a check, and released him in to the gator infested swamps. We wish Nate luck.

More tragedy struck when GQ QB Tom Brady, who did not start due to a prior spa appointment that conflicted with the scheduled kickoff time, was injured shortly after arriving at the stadium. As Brady made his way from the locker room to the bench, he made a poor decision and flashed a smile at a star struck cheerleader, who promptly swooned, falling into his left knee, rupturing his ACL and MCL (apparently made of papier-mâché) and ending his season. As for Brady’s status with the team, The Barrah commented, “we’ve got too much guaranteed money tied up in Tom to dispo… eh… give him the kind of settlement we gave Mr. Burleson.”

And this was only week one, it promises to not get any easier down the road.

Trades?

Any takers for goddamn Tavaris Jackson? Dude can't make a clutch throw to save his momma's life.

Russian Lineup, Wk 1

The Road to 0-13 starts in New Sasabe! We here in Red Square are... oh jesus, nevermind, here's our starting lineup for the first week and we'll see what happens. Christ.

QB -- Jon Kitna (Oh, good God.)

RB --- Laurence Maroney

RB --- Darren McFadden

WR --- Wes Welker

WR --- Larry Fitzgerald

WR --- Greg "This Is What Things Have Come To, I'm Starting A Packer And A Raider On Opening Day" Jennings

TE --- Heath Miller

K --- Robbie Gould

D --- Dallas

Angola Week 1

Angola Free Press
Angola, LA – Football fever is once again running rampant in the swamps of Louisiana, as fans get ready for yet another exciting and unpredictable DFL season. The Playahs embark on this season looking to defend their title, after a remarkable run to the DFL Championship last season. Spirits are high amongst the general population. So much so, that shankings and rapes are down 13% and 11.5% respectively.

Opening against Alameda, a team that beat them twice last year, Angola hopes the following lineup will get the job done:

QB: Tony "Smilin' Assassin" Romo
RB: Adrian "Purple Jesus" Peterson
RB: Michael "The Burner" Turner
WR: Nate "Hasselbeck has to throw to someone" Burleson
WR: Marvin "Old Man" Harrison
WR: "Rowdy" Roddy White
TE: Kellen "Junior" Winslow
PK: Nick "He's a kickin' fool" Folk
DEF: San Diego "German for Whale's Vagina" Defense

Whoopass Week 1 lineup

Stearns County, Minnesota. - As global warming continues apace, the mosquitos in Stearns County are abuzz with thoughts of the sweltering beginning to the DFL season. The stoic germans and norwegians of the County have kept their expectations on an even keel leading into this season. Otherwise, given the heat this summer, emotions could overwhelm the simple folk of the county and people would be killing one another with their homemade noodle makers, or some such devices. Below is the first lineup on what promises to be another successful campaign (rumor has it anyway):

QB: Jay Cutler
RB: M. Barber
RB: F. Gore
WR: Andre Johnson
WR: Calvin Johnson
WR: L. Coles
TE: J. Shockey
K: Gostkowski
D: Giants

California Lineup Week 1

Fresh off the adventures in London, and lots of pub crawls, and very twisty Kent roads, California is probably ready to submit a lineup for Week 1 of this fresh season. Unfortunately, all of our official Dreamin' papers were lost in transit. Or we used them as napkins at a pub. Or the "football" players that we tried to recruit wiped their asses with it. We believe it was the latter.

Fuck, who are we playing this week? I don't know. I"m just submitting some players.

QB: Eli "I drafted this guy again? Fuck!!" Manning
RB: Reggie "Run You Bastard" Bush
RB: Thomas "Do I Start?" Jones
WR: Plaxico "Permanent Gimp" Burress
WR: Braylon "Newly Gimped" Edwards
WR: TJ "I Knew I Retained 3 WR"s" Houshmanzadeh
TE: Cris "Dude Knows Fantasy Football" Cooley
PK: Phil "Can I use Punxsutawney or is that trademarked" Dawson
DF: New England "vs. the hapless Chefs" Patriots

Oh. I"m playing...the Horde. Well, that bodes poorly to start my season so unprepared. Maybe they'll get lost on the way to California. May I offer you Yuma? please?

~love
Drew

Wetbacks Week 1 Lineup

NEW SASABE, MEXICO - Expectations run high this year after last season's disappointing finish. To start off this season, the Wetbacks face perennial DFL super loser Russian Revolution in the pleather-upholstered confines of Cruzar La Frontera Stadium. "Wannabe" Willie Parker has reverse-defected to the Rev this year, thinking that the injury bug won't be able to find him in the desolate gulags surrounding Red Square. Coach "Cheech" Marin isn't bothered in the least. "Sure, Little Willie was a Wetbacks mainstay for so long, but really, the manteca had to be cut." Indeed, with the young backfield of Marshawn Lynch and Ryan Grant, the Wetbacks are poised for a "malo-a-primer" turnaround that the DFL will be talking about for years to come.


The Revolution come into New Sasabe with, uh, well, with some players that drop, bobble, and fumble the ball. The stunning array of, umm, water boys they carry is a testament to the great - no - the extrordinary commitment to aquatic engineering the Russians are so well known for.


And now the DFL Week 1 lineup for your New Sasabe Wetbacks:

QB - Drew Brees
RB1 - Marshawn Lynch
RB2 - Kevin "Silent Bob" Smith
WR1 - Marques Colston
WR2 - Jerricho Cotchery
WR3 - Joey Galloway
TE - Jason Witten
K - Adam "El Golpeador" Vinatieri
DEF - Jacksonville

BTW, I'm really impressed by Donald Driver being able to play WR and TE. GO JACKSTOMP!!

Lynchburg JDs Week 1 lineup

Lets Ready to "StompJack"

QB: Kurt Warner – DNS – Carson Palmer
RB: Joseph Addai
RB: DeAngelo Williams
WR: Terrell Owens
WR: Isaac Bruce
WR: Hines Ward
TE: Todd Heap – DNS – Randy McMichael
K: Neil Rackers
Defense: Indianapolis

Horde Lineup - Week 1

QB - Donovan McNabb
RB - Brandon Jacobs
RB - Earnest Graham
WR - Torry Holt
WR - Roy Williams
WR - Kevin Walter
TE - Tony Scheffler
K - Kris Brown
DEF - Tennessee

Criminals Week 1 Lineup

I drafted a bunch of worthless receivers again. And those running backs are pretty meh. And bursitis boy Manning will be as mobile as me, the Corpse of Al Davis.

QB: Payton Manning
RB: Clinton Portis
RB: Fred Taylor
WR: Santonio Holmes
WR: Santana Moss
WR: Patrick Crayton
TE: Dallas Clark
K: Rob Bironas
D: Minnesota

JackStomp Week 1 Lineup

Not to be out done by The Celts... I decided to not only have a lame opening day post, I decided to have a lame opening-day lineup too!!! Have fun with this one boys:


QB: Matt Hasselbeck
RB: LaDanian Tomlinson
RB: Stephen Jackson
WR: Reggie Wayne
WR: Antwaan Randle-El
WR: Donald Driver
TE: Donald Driver
D: Arizona
K: Nate Kaeding

Celt's Opening Roster for Week 1

Been travelling too much to make an effort at a reasonable post.....

QB Ben Roethlisberger
RB Brian Westbrook
RB Julius Jones
WR Randy Moss
WR Anquan Boldin
WR Ted Ginn Jr
TE Tony Gonzalez
KI David Akers
DF Seattle

... sorry to start the season so lamely.

The_Chad

Phelps as machine of nature

Phelps' relentless plunge to greatness is kind of transfixing. Did he win this race? Only the machine behind the wall knows.

Russia Prepares For Worst Season Ever (Again)

Russia's off-season training camp, which thus far has consisted mostly of searching in vain for a new home to relocate to and invading Georgia, has not gone well. In fact, it's gone so badly, Russian insiders fear that the Revolution may have to prepare for a record-setting 0-13 season.

"They don't pick until 19th overall," said season ticket holder Ivan Denisovitch. "By the middle of round 4, Department H, or I, or whatever the hell the clowns running the operation are called these days, will be scrambling to decide whether Jerry Porter or Devin Hester is more worthy of the #2 receiver position."

Still, team ownership remains optimistic. "We remain optimistic," said a statement issued through TASS.

Rumors continue to fly regarding the team's relocation to another country, state, continent or, God willing, planet. Adding to the mix are hints of a mysterious corporate entity thought to be pulling the strings in Red Square these days.

"I just wish there was a team I could root for, and be proud of," continued Denisovitch. "As it is, I'd rather be back in the gulag, betting against people with no teeth and jaundice on cockroach races than have to watch a single quarter of Russian football."

Discouraging team photos were also taken this summer.

Angola Free Press

Angola, LA – In a release for the Playahs’ front office, the organization has announced the hiring of Olga Kurylenko to the position of Director of Playah’ Personnel. Commenting on the new hire, The Barrah said, “I felt it was only a matter of time before California made a bid for Olga’s services, in some form or another, and I just couldn’t bear the thought of her obvious ‘talents’ being lost amongst the exorbitant amount of trim already on that staff.”

For those that the name “Olga” conjures up an image of a fat, hairy, Eastern European woman, think again:









To see more of Olga, check out the movie Hitman, or the upcoming new Bond movie.

A giant blow to douchebag Pats fans everywhere

I'd like to, in some way, console all the Pats fans out there. And as soon as I'm done laughing I'll think about it.

What happened Pats fans?

[Door flies open, rose petals scatter forth while celestial music plays]



Tom Brady: You would be well advised to make an inquiryyyyyyyyy

(Some will get this, some won't. Oh well.)