Lake Wobegon News

Bigcanov, Minnesota. Tuesday, September 28, 2010. Last night, the Bigcanov Town Council declared the week of September 26 - October 2, "Austin Collie Week." When asked about the honor Collie said, "I'm on a horse." Guy Noir had this to say, "I would be lying if I said that I had no idea he was going to do so well. I am a freaking genius." As part of the week's celebration, the Chatterbox Cafe is offering half price slices of pie all week with a purchase of a cup of coffee, and $2 hot dog combo meals.

Horde Lineup - Week 3

QB - Peyton Manning
RB - Ahmad Bradshaw
RB - Michael Turner
WR - Steve Smith (CAR)
WR - Kevin Walter
WR - Demaryius Thomas
TE - Antonio Gates
K - Rob Bironas
DEF - New England

Xth Legion Week 3

QB– Tom Brady

RB – LeSean McCoy
RB – Adrian Peterson (Minnesota)

WR – Roddy White
WR – Donald Driver
WR – Jeremy Maclin

TE – Dallas Clark
K – Ryan Longwell
DEF – Houston Texans

Russia 2-0, Reiterates Demands For Playoffs To Begin

Seriously. It's not like another 11 games is going to do anything but depress us. We've been riding this magical 2 game winning streak for what seems like forever now, but we are realistic enough to know when the fairytale ends.

/beat down by 10 years of futility

QB --- The People's Quarterback, Kyle Orton
RB --- Steve Jackson
RB --- DeAngelo Williams
WR --- Pierre Garcon
WR --- Greg Jennings
WR --- DeSean Jackson
TE --- Visanthe Shiancoe
K ---- Larry Tynes
D ---- Tampa Bay

Dreamin' Week 3 Lineup

Oh let me tell you fans that we are ALL ancy for our first win.
We do NOT want a repeat of our worst: 0-4 start.

Travelling to Bigcanov. Well, at least they ALWAYS supply comfortable accomodations and good food.

AND, in our way of thanking Bigcanov for this, we have brought someone along to present our lineup:

I present to you, the Swedish born model, VENDELA!!

And now the Dreamin' Lineup:

QB: Eli "Still Welcome to the Fold" Manning
RB: Rashard "Hell, Old Man Batch" Mendenhall
RB: "Lucky" Pierre Thomas
WR: Chad "Loving the Ocho" Ochocinco
WR: Mike "See What Happens When I Let Him Out of the Tanning Booth" Sims-Walker
WR: Dez "Rookie Boy" Bryant
TE: Jason "Heads Still-A-Rocking" Witten
PK: Garrett "Kicker" Hartley
DF: San Francisco "Up That Hill" 49'ers

Now do it up SEXIES!!!
Love
Drew and Vendela

Lynchburg week 3 line up

Week 3
QB: Donavan McNabb
RB: Ray Rice (DNS - Fred Jackson)
RB: Shonn Greene
WR: Jason Avant
WR: T J Houshmanzadeh
WR: Santana Moss
TE: Kellen Winslow
K: Nate Kaeding
D: Green Bay

JackStomp Lineup - Week 3

That is what I get posting my lineup drunk.

QB: Tony Romo
RB: Cedric Benson
RB: Marion Barber
WR: Larry Fitzgerald
WR: Andre Johnson
WR: Steve Smith
TE: Zach Miller
K: Seabass
D: Chicago

Angola - Week 3 Lineup

Jahvid Best’s diary entry…

9/24/2010 – I’m getting really excited and anxious for my first game on the road! Home cooking has been great, but I hope the road brings out the best of The Best haha. Really, I hope I don’t let the team down, but it’s not like Coach Ego can replace me with any of the other stiffs on the depth chart lololol. Oh, craziest thing happened in our game-planning session today. Coach walked in and had the Jackstomp game plan! It was written like a script! I’m told it’s the same before every game with them, they send it over FedEx. Always some shit about how they’ll get down early, then make a comeback, they just don’t get it! See, told you it was crazy haha. Well, better close this out, guards are calling for lights out… oh… almost forgot, here’s the lineup for our game, with yours truly leading the way ;)

QB Aaron Rodgers
RB Jahvid Best
RB Darren McFadden
WR Miles Austin
WR Randy Moss
WR Reggie Wayne
TE Jermichael Finley
PK Mason Crosby
DEF Pittsburgh

Travel day tomorrow, I gets pudding! Goodnight diary.

Celt's Week 3 Lineup

As we welcome the Tenth for their inaugural trip to Croke Park, we're thinking we may not have enough whiskey in stock. Ah hell, we can give em the cheap stuff...

For our battle of the Matts, Ryan wins, and the Vikings should be able to contain the Lions, so here goes...

QB Matt Ryan
RB Arian 'Nation' Foster
RB Matt Forte
WR Brandon Marshall
WR Anquan Boldin
WR Wes Welker
TE Tony Gonzalez
KI Ryan 'Mr Irrelevant' Succop
DEF Minnesota Vikings

Off to see the new granddaughter, so that is all....

Edge~

May the enemies of Ireland never meet a friend

Wetbacks DFL Week 3 Lineup

Goin' ta -hic- Beer and Bour -hic- bon Park. Seems like it's been -hic- far too long since we'uns have -hic- took a gander at them fine women theys gots -hic- themselves down there. By fine I mean Frightful Ill-natured No-tooth and -hic- just plain Evil. The so-called -hic- females theys gots themselves down there -hic- make our Mamacita's girls appear downright -hic- supermodel-ish.

Ok, that's it. No more te-kill-ya -hic- afore a long trip. This is gonna -hic- hurt. See y'all when we'uns get there.

-hic-


And now, here is the DFL 2010-2011 Week 3 lineup for your DFL Defending Champion New Sasabe Wetbacks:

QB - Drew Brees
RB1 - Maurice Jones-Drew (dns Jamaal Charles)
RB2 - Tim Hightower
WR1 - Johnny Knox
WR2 - Nate Washington
WR3 - Mike Williams (SEA)
TE - Aaron Hernandez
K - Dave "El Golpeador" Akers
DEF - Philly Eggles

Whoopass - Week 3 lineup

QB: Matt Schaub
RB: Chris Johnson
RB: Knowshon Moreno
WR: Colston
WR: Hakeem Nicks
WR: Austin Collie
TE: Owen Daniels
K: Gostkowski
D: Denver

Celt's Mobile test

Wanted to see how this works, just in case.

Transactions

HELL YOU WOULD THINK IT WAS WEEK ONE!!

It'll all be updated tonite.

Lackey

Dreamin' Week 2 Lineup

Good morning Dreamin' fans

I'm sure, like most of you, that its early Sunday morning and everyone is either hung over or just plain exhausted from partying all Saturday night.

Well, so is our team. We had too good of an offer last night, so we closed the Bowl for a 1920's themed shindig and we are still struggling to function.

The JD's need to only show up today and it will be a competitive game.

I think last week that our lineup was presented by Haylie and Golden, and I would like to thank them for stepping up to the challenge.

Our lineup:

QB: Eli "Back in the Fold" Manning
RB: "Lucky" Pierre Thomas
RB: Rashard "ghghgh, Tennessee" Mendenhall
WR: Chad "Am I Batman or Robin?" Ochocinco
WR: Mike "I Hate You" Sims-Walker
WR: Mike "Rook!" Williams
TE: Jason "Red-Headed Step Kid" Witten
PK: Garrett "Kicker" Hartley
DF: New Orleans Saints

Love
Drew

Lynchburg week 2 line up

QB: Philip Rivers
RB: Shonn Greene
RB: Ray Rice
WR: Jason Avant
WR: T J Houshmanzadeh
WR: Santana Moss
TE: Kellen Winslow
K: Nate Kaeding
D: Green Bay

Horde Lineup - Week 2

QB - Peyton Manning
RB - Ahmad Bradshaw
RB - Michael Turner
WR - Steve Breaston
WR - Hines Ward
WR - Steve Smith (Car)
TE - Antonio Gates
K - Rob Bironas
DEF - New England

Russia Week 2 Lineup

MOSCOW --- Despite an official petition from Department H to declare the DFL regular season officially over and begin the playoffs this week, it appears that the Commissioner's Office has declared that the league will in fact play out the remaining 12 games on the schedule before starting the playoffs.

"Not good for us," said Russia head coach *REDACTED IN THE INTEREST OF STATE SECURITY*. "Frankly, the more games we play the worse we get, if the last ten years are any indication."

The official Pravda injury report also mentioned that the Revolution's quarterback roster was now effectively down to 1, thanks to injuries to Jake Delhomme and Kevin Kolb. Despite the fact that they probably weren't going to be any good this year anyway, that is not expected to stop Department H from blaming the inevitable 4-9 season record on them.

QB --- Kyle "The People's Quarterback" Orton
RB --- Steve Jackson
RB --- DeAngelo Williams
WR --- Pierre Garcon
WR --- DeSean Jackson
WR --- Greg Jennings
TE ---- Visanthe Shiancoe
K ----- Larry Tynes
D ----- San Diego

Wetbacks DFL Week 2 Lineup

Welcome, players of The Revolution. While we don't have a Red Square, all of the rooms at Mamacita's are square (and some are painted red!). We don't have a Kremlin, but Mr. Most Interesting owns a Gremlin (interesting, isn't it?). We have never had bread lines, but we do offer lines of credit at Mamacita's (at a modest percentage rate, of course).

So you may not feel right at home, but it will feel eerily similar (except for the fact that our women actually look, sound, feel, and smell like women).

And now, here is the DFL 2010-2011 Week 2 lineup for your DFL Defending Champion New Sasabe Wetbacks:

QB - Drew Brees
RB1 - Maurice James-Drew
RB2 - Brandon Jackson
WR1 - Jabar Gaffney
WR2 - Lance Moore
WR3 - Johnny Knox
TE - Brent "Tom" Celek
K - Dave "El Golpeador" Akers
DEF - Philly Eggles

JackStomp Lineup - Week 2

QB: Carson Palmer
RB: Cedric Benson
RB: Reggie Bush
WR: Larry Fitzgerald
WR: Andre Johnson
WR: Steve Smith (NYG)
TE: Zach Miller
K: Seabass
D: CHI

Angola - Lineup Week 2

No fanfare, just a lineup...

QB Aaron Rodgers
RB Jahvid Best
RB Darren McFadden
WR Miles Austin
WR Calvin Johnson
WR Reggie Wayne
TE Vernon Davis
PK Mason Crosby
DEF Dallas

Xth Legion's Week 2

QB(Centurian) – Tom Brady – accident free for 8 days!

RB – LeSean McCoy
RB – Adrian -good Roman name by the way- Peterson (Minnesota)
WR – Roddy White
WR – Lee Evans
WR – Devin Aromashodu
TE – Dallas Clark
K – Ryan Longwell
DEF – Houston Texans

Whoopass - Week 2

QB: M. Schaub
RB: C. Johnson
RB: K. Moreno
WR: M. Colston
WR: H. Nicks
WR: M. Crabtree
TE: O. Daniels
K: Gostkowski
D: Denver

Celt's Week 2 lineup

Aaahhh, a great week in Croke park, but now it's off to the Farm to visit those pesky Penitentiary boys...

We'll try the following for this week's match-up:

QB Matt Ryan
RB Arian "Nation" Foster
RB Matt Forte (dnp Frank Gore)
WR Brandon Marshall
WR Wes Welker
WR Anquan Boldin
TE Tony Gonzalez
KI Ryan Succop
DEF Minnesota Vikings

May the best non-felons win!!

~Edge
May the enemies of Ireland never meet a friend

Note to Peyton Manning

PEYTON MANNING CAN SUCK MY IMAGINARY BALL SAC

Love
Drew

TENTH Waives Matt Leinart and picks up David Garrard QB Jac

TENTH Waives Matt Leinart and picks up David Garrard QB Jac...

Horde Lineup - Week 1

Already Called Lackey and gave him my lineup at 10:00. Here it is in print.

Let the games begin!

QB - Peyton Manning
RB - Joseph Addai
RB - Michael Turner
WR - Dwayne Bowe
WR - Hines Ward
WR - Steve Smith (Car)
TE - Antonio Gates
K - Rob Bironas
DEF - New England

Horde Lineup - Week 1

Remaining Dreamin' Lineup, Week 1

As presented to you by Hailey Partridge and, shockingly, Golden Tate?!

Apparently all media is down in Mongolia and Drew and the remaining coaches have been unable to send any word to the outside world since Thursday.

Good thing I have a copy of our starting lineup, barring any issues that may be occurring in Mongolia.

Well, if its any consolation, the surfing was great, wasn't it Golden!

And here is the full Dreamin' lineup:

QB: Eli "Welcome Back to the Fold" Manning
RB: "Lucky" Pierre Thomas (announced Thursday)
RB: Rashard "I'm Your MAN Dixon!!" Mendenhall
WR: Chad "Wanna-be Hollywood" Ochocinco
WR: Mike "Is It Kosher?" Sims-Walker
WR: Mike "Not Starting 3 Mikes" Wallace
TE: Jason "Armadillo Cooking" Witten
PK: Garrett "Kicker" Hartley (announced Thursday)
DF: San Francisco "Bird Killers" 49'ers

Loving the Surf and Sand
Hailey

Lynchburg JD's week 1 lineup

QB: Philip Rivers
RB: Fred Jackson
RB: Ray Rice
WR: Jason Avant
WR: T J Houshmanzadeh
WR: Santana Moss
TE: Kellen Winslow
K: Nate Kaeding
D: Green Bay

Celt's Week 1 lineup

Greetings to one and all, a happy 10th anniversary to the DFL, and may the best team win!! (as long as that team is mine)

To start our annual campaign towards the playoffs, the Fighting Celt's will use the following group to make "stompees" out of the Jackstomp.

At QB, our choice of Matts will be;
Matt "Where's Roddy?" Ryan

For RB, we will utilize;
Frank "Pamplona" Gore, and our draft day favorite,
Arian "Nation" Foster

Our WR for this week will be;
Wes "What Injury?" Welker,
Anquan "Primetime" Boldin, and
Brandon "It's MY Ball" Marshall

The TE this week will be Mr. Ryan's counterpart;
Tony "El Tigre" Gonzalez

At KI, we will gladly start;
Ryan "Mr. Irrelevant, really?" Succop

And to put the kibosh on the Jackstomp's o-ffensive output, we will start the;
New York "Football" Giants


Let the games begin!!

~Edge

May the enemies of Ireland never meet a friend.

California Week 1 Partial

GREETINGS DREAMIN' FANS ROUND THE WORLD!!!!

Its that time again of the year to mock our "competition" and travel to some of the dregs of the world to face our opponents, eat undesirable food, meet undesirable people, stay at undesirable "hotels" and play at undesirable stadiums. Looking at you Cheech!

For our first game of the year, we get the pleasure and greatness of travelling to the one location in the world where the Bubonic plague still persists to this day, the Steppes of Mongolia. Such a fine place to start our season off. The pleasures of the poverty stricken lining the streets, the high-speed connection that only a phone line can offer, and oxen wandering thru the dirt of the city. Then...to make it even better, we get to leave the luxurious city in our jeeps and horses, and head off to Tent City, to play in the fine stadium of the Horde.

Our shots are up-to-date (oh, not Golden Tate though, he and Haylie stayed behind to surf the beautiful blue surf off Oceanside), our errm...1st class tickets are purchased, and we brought our own water filters this time.

We would like to thank the Horde for the fine conditions.

And to top it all off, we have only a partial lineup to post for tonights game. The rest of the team has gotten stuck at the connection terminal in Kyoto, due to some kind of issue with Geishas and smoking lounges.

RB: "Lucky" Pierre Thomas
PK: Garrett "Kicker" Hartley

Thank you to our fans at Kyoto International for rushing these two past the errrmm...issues and allowing them to play tonight.

Love,
Drew

TENTH (X) Legion lineup

QB: Tom Brady (if he stays out of Car craches!)


RB: Adrian Peterson

RB: Ronnie Brown

WR: Roddy White

WR: Donald Driver

WR: Devin Aromashodu

TE: Dallas Clark

K: Ryan Longwell

D: New York Jets

Angola - Week 1

Time to get this started...

QB Aaron Rodgers
RB Jahvid Best
RB Jerome Harrison
WR Calvin Johnson
WR Randy Moss (dns Miles Austin)
WR Reggie Wayne
TE Jermichael Finley
PK Mason Crosby
DEF Dallas

(file photo)

Maurice James-Drew at New Sasabe's practice facility.

Whoopass - Week 1 lineup

Good luck to all in this anniversary season. May you all suck (well, maybe not all, just the Wetbacks,....oh, and the Revolution, hmmmm, and Angola too, hate those guys....).

QB: M. Schaub
RB: C. Johnson
RB: R. Grant
WR: M. Colston
WR: M. Crabtree
WR: H. Nicks
TE: S. Nelson
K: S. Gostkowski
D: Denver

JackStomp - Week 1 Lineup

QB: Tony Romo
RB: Cedric Benson
RB: Beanie Wells
WR: Larry Fitzgerald
WR: Andre Johnson
WR: Steve Smith (NYG)
TE: Zach Miller
K: Sebastian Janikowski
D: Chicago

Wetbacks DFL Week 1 Lineup

Well, well. Here we are. I want to congratulate you all for being on time. Game time is a 5:30 EST. You have until exactly Sunday January 2, 2011 to think about WHY you are here - to ponder the error of your ways.

And now, here is the DFL 2010-2011 Week 1 lineup for your DFL Defending Chmapion New Sasabe Wetbacks:

QB - Drew Brees
RB1 - Maurice James-Drew
RB2 - Jamaal Charles
WR1 - Jabar Gaffney
WR2 - Bernard Berrian
WR3 - Johnny Knox
TE - Brent "Tom" Celek
K - Dave "El Golpeador" Akers
DEF - Philly Eggles

Revolution Kick Off DFL-X With Style

RED SQUARE ---- After the customary season-opening People's Fireworks, the Revolution led a parade through Red Square to cheers of literally tens of people, most of whom were waiting in a nearby bread line.

Although the Revolution team members were prevented from speaking to the public as per organization rules, a prepared video from Department H aired on the People's Jumbotron.

In the video, a shadowy quasi-military figure announced the Revolution's opening lineup for the first weekend of the tenth season of the DFL, after which he commanded the assembled crowd to disperse lest they be accused of protesting.

QB --- Kyle "The People's Quarterback" Orton
RB --- Steve Jackson
RB --- DeAngelo Williams
WR --- Greg Jennings
WR --- DeSean Jackson
WR --- Pierre Garcon
TE ---- Visanthe Shiancoe
K ----- Larry Tynes
D ----- San Diego

RE: Uproar in Whoopass Country

Dear Whoopass Country,

We at the California Dreamin' would like to offer our sincerest ap0logies to you, Whoopass Country, for the lack of leadership and sanity of your respective ownership. We say unto you that over the years, we too, have had many of these types of issues arise, and, in the end, fired those responsible.

In these uncertain times, we would like to make a donation to Our Lady of Perpetual Responsibility Catholic Church, to assist those in mourning and seeking answers.

Additionally, we can also offer our best counselors, as we have plenty of those to go around. Dr. Phil perhaps?

And last, but not least, we always can offer something to cheer the masses in Whoopass Country.

Perhaps...

THE PARIS?!

With Love,
Drew and Company